Soul Deep( Tell Me Wut You Think)

[Soul Deep]

Some times i feel blind, trying to find my way thru this incredible design,
Confused so i pray dat god sends me a sign, so much on my mind, so i put them in rhymes, line after line, i dont write from my mind//
These Lyrics when you read it dey come from the heart, no love for them fake thugs who love to start, first ones to run off when da barrel spark, now ya lifes in park, and you outlined in chalk//
Family in pain, every time dey here ya name, what could they do it was your life to claim, da sun is gone for now and its time to feel da rain, now can you sustain//
The challenges in life?, time to seperate da men from da mice, Souls sent to christ, when tips land in heads like lice, ya life is ya price, cant rewind to think twice//
All my soilders march out when its time for war, no ***** over here dawg our hearts are pure, when dem bullets sore, we dont fold under pressure//
Lets do dis b**** there aint time to lecture//
Heart of a lion, b**** ***** i aint lyin, art of war deception and perfect timing, a blood bath youll get when i unload da iron, now ya souls risen and its on da road to Zion//

just a lil sumthin, didnt wanna give yall too much to read, cuz yall prbly wouldnt read it,

~ghost~

[Ecliptik]

wow...ok...i know u prolly like this extremely long bar format....but it's horrible...lol....anyways, the flow was ok....very simple....alot of the vocab and attempted complexity seemed forced.... and some of it just did make sense like this line...

so much on my mind, so i put them in rhymes, line after line, i dont write from my mind//

umm...huh?...you kinda contridicted yourself...lol

anyways...just some helpful critz...

[Cali_Bud]

Yeah you did kinda contradict yourself in that line but overall I think if it wasn't so crammed together it would've been better. Remember what we are seeing is the writing not audio so it's harder to understand. Keep the flow and even out the bars man. Peace.

[Soul Deep]

good looking for da feedback....