50! Cam! Nas! Conspiracy? THE EVIL FIRST QUARTER REPORT HAS DROPPED!!!
WARNING!! ANOTHER MUST NOT SEE LONG ASS EVILDEAD CLASSIC!!
[DISCAIMER..If you suffer from S.P.A.S. Short Printed Attention Span (meaning you can't read more than a few sentences at a time and then your brain starts to hurt) or you have been diagnosed with A.C.F. (Always Catching Feelings)..STOP do not read further..please move on to the next thread A.S.A.P.]
After that crowded fourth quarter...The Hip Hop industry took 3 months to come out and play..Who knew that the first major releases in 07' would come from the Richest Boy in Alabama and the Youngest Buck in Tennesee? See ON PAPER..07' could be one of Hip Hop's greatest years in HIP HOP history....but if these Hip Hop artists don't generate some REAL PAPER this year..well HIP HOP as we know it might actually be..history..THE EVILDEAD FIRST QUARTER
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- The Greatest rapper of all time died on March 9th 1997...far far from home..and back in 97' The B.I.G. one dropped that classic joint 'What's Beef?'..which is still relevant today...because in the first quarter Beef is far far from real..
The Top 5 First quarter (not so real) BEEF list..
1. CAM vs. 50 CENT
2. TRU LIFE vs. JIM JONES
3. XXLMAG vs. ALLHIPHOP.COM and SOHH.COM
4. TIMBERLAND vs. SCOTT SCORCH
5. CNN vs HIP HOP
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- EVILDEAD officially declares that HIP HIP is NOT DEAD..it now lives on YOUTUBE..but since the tube is about to be sued for a BILLION dollars..it's safe to say it probably won't be there for long.
THE FIRST QUARTER YOUTUBE AWARDS..
- When Youtube reminds us of Sticky fingers and pretty much ended another rap career.........Un Kasa (boxing at Juelz Santana house)
- When Youtube goes wrong..but then after further review goes right.............Nycks (did he really have the cal on him?)
- When Youtube goes CUUUURTIS and laughs really hard (No John Amaechi!!).....CAM'RON (at Koch)
- When Youtube goes to a funeral in CT-5O Cent (Funeral Music)
- When Youtube hood surfs down Lenox ave and finds 'CUURRY'....CAM'RON (CURTIS)
- When Youtube catches all kind of 's@%t' from drinking a Cam Snapple...50 CENT (Hold on)
- When YouTube makes you realize both of these guys should stop while they are ahead!...CAM'RON (CURTIS 2)
- When Youtube sons the best record Ja Rule had a loong time...NYKS (Sell them t-shirts while you can homey)
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- After the huge reception of the NAS' 'Where they at' maxi-single..Nasir Jones is slated for a summer release what will simply be called 'Where they at?-The ALBUM' At a private listening party Nas released the early tracklisting and artist features
1. Where are they dancing at? Featuring Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Heavy D, Kid n' Play, Diddy and DJ UNK (The Chicken Noodle Soup girl is on the hook)
2. No seriously..Where the hell are they at? Featuring Amil, Petey Pablo, Keith Murray, Magoo, Charlie Brown, Dinco D, Cappadonna, Peter Gunz, J-Kwon, Boo and Gotti, Philly's Most wanted, Silk, I-20, J.T. Money and Jayo Felony
3. Where they at (The 'working with Nas is the career equivelant of breaking 10 mirrors on Friday the 13th' remix )..Featuring The Bravehearts, Quan, Nature, AZ, NORE, The bodyguard from 'Oochie Wally' with the better verse than Nas, Cormega, Kay Slay (Scarlett on the hook)
4. Were they ever here? (The retail album version) Oschino and Sparks, HoodFellaz (Bad Boy), Vita, Charlie Baltimore, BlackChild, Cadillac Tah, Sacario, Posta Boy, SunNY
5. No real talk..Are they actually here yet?....Gravy, Papoose, Saigon, Jae Hood, Peedi Peedi, Jae millz, Stack Bundles, Hell Rell, Stat Quo, Grafh
6. Wish they were still here (The EVILDEAD slept on old school version)-CRU, Cella Dwellas, King Tee, Rough House Survivors, Gravediggaz, Poor Righteous Teachers, Souls of mischief
7. Hey Monie where's Nas at now?..(The Inpiration vs. Hip Hop is Dead soundscan mix) Featuring Young Jeezy and Monie Love
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RANDOM EVIL THOUGHTS
- In a the year-end Cosmopolitan magazine poll..56% of women agree that the 'Abortion Pill' (RU-486) is a safe way to curb the contraversial surgical procedure..But in a study released in the mag's March edition..a whopping 99% of women agree that R&B singer Tyrese's new product 'The Black Ty unwanted baby mama home remedy pill' is extremely hazardous to the safety women and should not be released in the United States.
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-Ironically Game's 'Wouldn't get far' single ..really didn't..apparantly not as far as Game's 'two finger split' did with a drunk Vida Guerrera (Jimmy H. shoulda grabbed WILL.I.AM and dropped that 'C.O.M.P.T.O.N.' heater)
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- THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK aka Throwing Rocks from a Glass house first quarter awards EASILY go to both CAMRON and 50 CENT
- 50 Cent still doing interviews with Soundscan spreadsheets..even after releasing IMO the worst single in Mobb Deep history 'Put em' in last place' and then letting the album die a slow death (POT OR KETTLE?)
- CAM'RON clowning 50 Cent over Mobb's and Bank's record sales..but if you added all FOUR 2006 DIPSET affilliated releases together..Cam's 'Killa Season', Jim Jones, Duke Da God's 'Dipset-More than a movement, J.R. Writer 'History in the making'..you still wouldn't be pushing platinum (POT OR KETTLE)
- EVERY RAPPER who disses 50 Cent calls him a Snitch etc..But when Beef spilled out of the booth..it definately wasn't 50 Cent who told the world that it was Jay-Z's people throwing diamonds outside Cam's Coupe (POT or KETTLE)
- Moral of the story...Jokes aside..50 and Cam's Comedy wars were good for both artists..50 had better video production values and Cam's track had the better production..either way the publicity and anticipation for both artists albums went up a notch and that's good business..
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THE EVILDEAD TRUE STORY...THE G-UNIT CONSPIRACY EXISTS??
- EVILDEAD supports all artists and cops retail..So last October when Banks dropped..I ended up at F.Y.E., because the cd itself had already sold out in the local Target. Immediately after purchasing the CD, I noticed something strange on the receipt. Although, It showed that I bought Rotten Apple..it also showed that the CD got a 'ROD STEWART first week promo discount'. Now I obviously understood the discount part..because this is normal practice to temporarily bring CDs down to $9.99 during the crucial first week. But the receipt should have showed a 'LLOYD BANKS first week discount' instead. Did F.Y.E. use this tactic to report Banks' sales as Rod Stewart sales? See after the Lupe 'Soundscan' Fiasco..the importance of what a retailer reports or in Lupe's can doesn't report..can change the outcome of an album. Moral of the Story..Rod Stewart 'The Classic' (the guy who hadn't had a hit since the 80's) went #1 that week..and Banks was #3..Coincidence? Conspiracy? Maybe? Maybe Not..but next time you buy a retail CD...maybe you should check your receipt.
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EVIL DEADz First quarter Advice for Rappers
1. After Mobb Deep and 50 Cent..if you are getting interviewed on Hot 97's Angie Martinez show...DO NOT accept any phone calls live on air!
2. If your album doesn't sell..use the approved 'At least my single sold a lot of Ringtones' recoup excuse or you can still blame it on that damn I-Pod
3. Even if you are a remotely well known artist..and you realize that nobody is talking about your upcoming album..Have your boy shoot you..Set
yourself up and get your offices raided by the F.B.I. Even leak your mixtape..pretend it's your retail and act mad...but do not..I repeat..DO NOT..use the Benzino 'BATHTUB FOR BUZZ' technique..it doesn't work
EVILDEAD HAS SPOKEN
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