Oak here. Yeah, that Oak—I ain’t go no where. This tree’s got some roots boy, I’m still standing, just might be startin’ to sway a little bit. I know I ain’t gettin’ any younger. This chicken might’ve laid its last egg in the League, but it don’t mean it’s laid its last damn chickenhead. I ain’t talking bout laying out bytches like Hill or McGinnis—I still throw bows and bloody fros of those punk-ass clowns—I’m talking bytches with pink toes and shaved ho’s. That’s right, I’m talkin’ white women. See, I don’t have them running legs to get up and down the floor no more like these kids today, but Oak knows more about what it takes to sex up a coal burning cracker than anyone in the NBA. Real good too. And since I got a few more rings around my trunk these days, I thought I’d pass along a few of my secrets to all you young brothers out there who might want do some snow flakin’, Charles Oakley-style.
#1. Remind her you’re black
Sound dumb? Then you’re dumb, punk. You probably don’t know polo from lolo, let alone what it takes to mash a fine European ho. Listen here: at night, what does your white woman do when she goes on off to bed? She closes her damn eyes is what. That’s right, even when it’s nighttime your cracker wants it blacker. And take it from Oak, you gotta be midnight. This ain’t so much for when you first start hittin’ them lily skins—I’ll get to that—it’s for when she starts getting all comfortable, coming with that “aren’t we all just the same” shyt. Take if from Oak, when she starts in on that, you remind her what time it is: “Ain’t only one of us here that can scare the hell out of old white women, like yo mama…” She’ll love yo ass for it.
Secret #2. Remind her she’s white
After you wear this white dicksock a few times, she’s gonna start thinking she’s all down. Happens every the time. First she’ll start flipping to BET, then she’ll start singing along to your rap joints, next she’ll be talking all black poli-tricks. Listen, you can burn up a marshmallow, but it don’t make it chocolate—it’s just crusty. So when she goes from Gap to Sean Jean, take Oak’s advice: bust a nut on that high-water booty, and tell her to clean it up—you always wanted a white maid.
Secret #3. Wear fur
Touch is one powerful-ass sensation. And touching fur? That shyt is like Caucasian crack for any sorority-bred white girl. See, all these chickens have grown up wanting to wear one, but they’re too damn afraid. If Tiffany goes off to the mall wearing some mink that’s whiter than she is, she’s gotta watch out for some crazy-ass red paint attack, but when I wear one at my car wash, all I get is white women to mack straight on Oak’s chocolate ball sack. The secret? Let her rub all up on you and that damn fur, but when she asks to wear it, don’t let her. Ever.
There’s the secrets boy, it’s up to you now. See, all these h0nkey(wow @ that word being censored on sohh) ho’s want to get down and dirty with a brother, so you just got to work that balance of telling her she’s bad, while letting her know you the baddest. And I should know. No one’s badder than Oak.
I KNOW those dubious Raptor moments got you dying right now
LOL @ Dubious moment #23
Dubious Raptor Moment #23
October-December 2000: Charles Oakley picks pre-game fights - By Charles Oakley “Pimpin' ain't easy. Pimpin' ain't dead. The ho's are just scared” http://theflagrancy.typepad.com/the_.../oak_1_1_1.gif Only on a *****-ass team like the Raptors would whuppin’ two gobler-basters not worth their grissel qualify as a dubious mutha****in’ moment. But I should have expected this ****. When I rolled up into Toronto in ‘98, the only pimp on the team was Jackie Christie, and the ho’s weren’t scared one goddamn bit. That **** needed to change.
So what did I do? Whup ass is what.
First there was Jeff McGinnis. But fo’ real, when word spread that this ***** was trying to move in on this fine Blaxican trick I was hittin’ at the time, I had no goddamn choice. You try to flab-stab another man’s chickenhead, you deserve to get your ass fanned out. That said, I didn’t plan on beatin’ in his ass during the pre-game, I planned on beatin’ his ass the first ****in’ time I saw it.
Then there was Tyrone Hill. Now the only thing this cootchie-ripper could do worse than shoot free throws was shoot dice. I barely took off my fur coat at his stank-ass crib in Phillie and I was already up $54,000. But fitty-k plus no-pay equals you getting your ****in’ wig split son, even if you do serve me some fine-ass ribs. When he showed up in Toronto without my money, his ass should have known better.
So next season, when some punk throws T.J. Ford’s surgically repaired ass to the ground and Jorge Garbajosa’s pimp-hand stays stuck at his side, ask yourself: are the ho’s scared now?
- Oak
P.S. Blue Baller, you even think about asking me to write one more mutha****in’ story for this piece of **** website, you’ll wish all your peckerwood ass got was a RickBrunson.com cease and desist letter.
I KNOW those dubious Raptor moments got you dying right now
LOL @ Dubious moment #23
Dubious Raptor Moment #23
October-December 2000: Charles Oakley picks pre-game fights - By Charles Oakley “Pimpin' ain't easy. Pimpin' ain't dead. The ho's are just scared” http://theflagrancy.typepad.com/the_.../oak_1_1_1.gif Only on a *****-ass team like the Raptors would whuppin’ two gobler-basters not worth their grissel qualify as a dubious mutha****in’ moment. But I should have expected this ****. When I rolled up into Toronto in ‘98, the only pimp on the team was Jackie Christie, and the ho’s weren’t scared one goddamn bit. That **** needed to change.
So what did I do? Whup ass is what.
First there was Jeff McGinnis. But fo’ real, when word spread that this ***** was trying to move in on this fine Blaxican trick I was hittin’ at the time, I had no goddamn choice. You try to flab-stab another man’s chickenhead, you deserve to get your ass fanned out. That said, I didn’t plan on beatin’ in his ass during the pre-game, I planned on beatin’ his ass the first ****in’ time I saw it.
Then there was Tyrone Hill. Now the only thing this cootchie-ripper could do worse than shoot free throws was shoot dice. I barely took off my fur coat at his stank-ass crib in Phillie and I was already up $54,000. But fitty-k plus no-pay equals you getting your ****in’ wig split son, even if you do serve me some fine-ass ribs. When he showed up in Toronto without my money, his ass should have known better.
So next season, when some punk throws T.J. Ford’s surgically repaired ass to the ground and Jorge Garbajosa’s pimp-hand stays stuck at his side, ask yourself: are the ho’s scared now?
- Oak
P.S. Blue Baller, you even think about asking me to write one more mutha****in’ story for this piece of **** website, you’ll wish all your peckerwood ass got was a RickBrunson.com cease and desist letter.
lol@the Tyrone Hill beef still alive
true Raptors fans writing this shiit.
lol@#25
Dubious Raptor Moment #25
June 1995-November 1997: Raptors draft, sign, re-sign Oliver Miller
Now I know what you’re thinking. Here is yet another convenient opportunity for The Flagrancy to launch a barrage of cheap shots at the expense of a former Raptor. And let’s face it, who makes for a bigger target than the 300lb Oliver Miller? But no, attacking Miller’s much publicized weight problem is taking the easy way out—after all, he was overweight when the Raptors drafted, signed, and re-signed him during the mid-90s, and he was overweight when he left. The real dubious moment is the fact that this future Harlem Globetrotter was not only on the team, but in 1995 was its best frontcourt player.
So if you have come here looking for a bunch of cheap fat jokes, I am sorry my friend. You have come to the wrong place.
**** it, here’s 10:
1. Oliver Miller was so fat that the free Pizza Pizza promotion was launched as a motivational tool
2. Oliver Miller was so fat that the SkyDome mop boy used to scrape up his sweat using a gravy boat
3. Oliver Miller was so fat that when Darryl Walker told him to haul his ass down the court, he would need to take two trips
4. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he drove to the hoop, the lane would get stretch marks
5. Oliver Miller was so fat that he had more Chins than a Yao Ming charity game
6. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he’d bend over to pick up a loose ball, his ass would be called for out of bounds
7. Oliver Miller was so fat that he’d draw charges using gravitational pull
8. Oliver Miller was so fat that whenever he'd take a jump ball, he’d set off Willie Anderson's car alarm
9. Oliver Miller was so fat that his Raptor players card says ‘picture continued on other side’
10. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he set a high pick and roll, Damon Stoudamire would have to ask him for directions around his ass
**** it, here’s 10:
1. Oliver Miller was so fat that the free Pizza Pizza promotion was launched as a motivational tool
2. Oliver Miller was so fat that the SkyDome mop boy used to scrape up his sweat using a gravy boat
3. Oliver Miller was so fat that when Darryl Walker told him to haul his ass down the court, he would need to take two trips
4. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he drove to the hoop, the lane would get stretch marks
5. Oliver Miller was so fat that he had more Chins than a Yao Ming charity game
6. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he’d bend over to pick up a loose ball, his ass would be called for out of bounds
7. Oliver Miller was so fat that he’d draw charges using gravitational pull
8. Oliver Miller was so fat that whenever he'd take a jump ball, he’d set off Willie Anderson's car alarm
9. Oliver Miller was so fat that his Raptor players card says ‘picture continued on other side’
10. Oliver Miller was so fat that when he set a high pick and roll, Damon Stoudamire would have to ask him for directions around his ass
Secret #2. Remind her she’s white
After you wear this white dicksock a few times, she’s gonna start thinking she’s all down. Happens every the time. First she’ll start flipping to BET, then she’ll start singing along to your rap joints, next she’ll be talking all black poli-tricks. Listen, you can burn up a marshmallow, but it don’t make it chocolate—it’s just crusty. So when she goes from Gap to Sean Jean, take Oak’s advice: bust a nut on that high-water booty, and tell her to clean it up—you always wanted a white maid.
5. Oliver Miller was so fat that he had more Chins than a Yao Ming charity game
.
lmao
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Charles Oakley on White Women
