alrite be honest of what you think as long as its constructive criticism
"I live my life looking back on everything that went on,
Hurt by pain of my reality, consumed by self hatred,
I've had enough its gone on for far too long,
what i faced as a child has left my memory tainted,
Turned to myself trying to find a remedy,
but all i got was emptiness, hoping that those
that torchered will feel the pain that i see,
never been secure of myself don't know what to do all i have is this,
Everyday i look around but nutthing seems real
i laugh at what has become of me but i sumhow dont get the joke,
wondering how i'm gonna make it in this world
i feel like i wasn't given a fair deal..on this pathetic existence i choke,
Pressures of this world have eaten me alive
nothing left to feel confused by my options
often feel like the only way to deal with this is to end it..say Good Bye!
Life is worthless if i can fight this problem
Girls have dismissed me, friends are few
society has locked me out and thrown away the key
I have to be accpted or i''l end up like you
Well i guess i have to live on, faced with a distorted reality. "
its interesting....not the most challenging or fresh piece,but it was definitely engaging.is your life really that desparate at the minute man?keep writing and expressing yourself.....ive always found it theraputic when i wanted to sink into a hole in the ground and never be found.you'll also improve,and develop your own style of writing.so keep it up!
peace
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Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
aiight kool thanx for the comment, yeah there are times when i feel like that, especially at mo, since i got no job, no gf, no driving licence(yet), not makin much money, .....but i aint tryna sound like no one else has those problems i'm just saying what i feel..and that's real!
aiight kool thanx for the comment, yeah there are times when i feel like that, especially at mo, since i got no job, no gf, no driving licence(yet), not makin much money, .....but i aint tryna sound like no one else has those problems i'm just saying what i feel..and that's real!
more feedback please
i can appreciate that man.....keep expressing yourself
peace
__________________
Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
never mind.....keep writing and get some recognition
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Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
what do you mean? never mind? are u saying its crap?
lol,sorry bout that.....i didnt mean by "never mind" that it was crap-i was talkin bout the fact that i was the only one to give you any feedback!its a good effort...very genuine,open and individual.keep writing and you'll get some feedback from others but just me!
peace
__________________
Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
oh ok sorry..still looking for other ppl to respond to this please
to be honest man....i dont think anyone is gonna respond to this.....if they would respond,it would have happened already.just write some more stuff and post it up....then you should start getting feedback
peace
__________________
Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
I think it is very honest. I don't there is a such thing as "fresh" because we all feel the same way at times. When you put your self out there like that it touches someone else bcuz they can feel you. My comment is just keep it honest and real. Stay writing,it helps to sort through all the garbage that goes on in our minds.
I like the fact that your piece is raw, raw in like you just started writing down your feelings from jump street, with no orchestration. Let your style show never compromise, there are those who can relate to you and there are those who will appreciate your style. Like they say "the further you go the more you'll know", so keep putting in the work, the rewards will come one way or another, and keep the voice of the street alive and sometimes when you are writing you can write up on a solution to your problems. Remember when times are hard you're almost always gonna have to go it alone. But at least you'll know who's got ya' back when you bust through this thing cause that's all it is. Oh and it was cool over all.
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[[b]FONT=Century Gothic] My lines hit 'em
Like snake venum - h.j.
<--- Lotame Behavioral Tags --- >
<--- Lotame Behavioral Tags --- >
Just sum **** i wrote bout my life
