just a little something real quick from the drunk monk feel me...
Abs.tract Emotions
by Absolut
My mind's way beyond right
so far I'm left with feelings of loving you in my hindsight
at PM my heart forms lines from this past time at night
you be~in my type when I drift
subconscience tears drip thoughts through this river of ink like..
a world of dark
I close my eyes and continue to sink
In this ocean I've given myself...death sentences
killing my mental health through
paragraphs of time missing you
I can't define these abstract kinds of emotions since kissing you
was my reason to live
I'm empty handed with only my heart to give (and that's broken)
In a poor form these Pec's leave me sunken I can't cope with
this hole in my chest
filled by a drunken mess my soul's stressed
from sippin' this heaven & hell
I need a place to rest so these bars line my cells
my days are numbered as well
My inner-visions fell...past these margins taps the pain of my window sill
still if loving you's a game I'm straight losing it
speaking sick
flows inside
turned mine (mind) skits (schiz)
from the lips I'm
throwing up for days
spitting this insane sh1t cause
you're so induced in my brain
I see you twice when I think...rhymes of you when I blink
sometimes I feel jinxed cause this love's got me trippin like I had too many drinks
You're not by my side, I can't figure out why I'm 25 and living a notorious lie
I'm ready to die
from these B.i.g. dreams
of you being my lady..
of you having my...my baby...
but then I open my eyes and realize I'll never see the sun...
I'll never....
..see the...
see the sun..
I'll never....
...I'll never..
...never see the...
*schizophrenic
__________________ Broad St. Bullies
Last edited by Absolut da poet; 02-25-07 at 02:44 PM.
wonderful......makes me want to write!keep it up man,much love
peace
__________________
Their plan was to knock me out the top of the game.But I overstand,they truth is all lame.I hold cannons that shoot balls of flame.Right in they fat mouth,then I call my name.
Not bad maygne.
I do think it would influence your writing in a positive way if you read more.
Now, I could be way off, you may read all of the time.
If so, sorry for the misread. Otherwise, I would recommend The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. It's a short and powerful read with beautiful imagery and insight. Eh, just a suggestion. It's something in your language that seems limited by your vocab or something.
This was a creative trick and worked well when read,
"turned mine (mind) skits (schiz)"
I enjoyed that on a technical level. And the I hope when you deliver this you do your best biggie impersonation at this part,
"from these B.i.g. dreams
of you being my lady..
of you having my...my baby..."
lol... Again, I think you fight well but you limit your own arsenal.
Not bad maygne.
I do think it would influence your writing in a positive way if you read more.
Now, I could be way off, you may read all of the time.
If so, sorry for the misread. Otherwise, I would recommend The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. It's a short and powerful read with beautiful imagery and insight. Eh, just a suggestion. It's something in your language that seems limited by your vocab or something.
This was a creative trick and worked well when read,
"turned mine (mind) skits (schiz)"
I enjoyed that on a technical level. And the I hope when you deliver this you do your best biggie impersonation at this part,
"from these B.i.g. dreams
of you being my lady..
of you having my...my baby..."
lol... Again, I think you fight well but you limit your own arsenal.
well...I agree with you...I do need to read more..
..this isn't really meant to be read..it's an audible joint so...I dunno how much that affects it
but I really appreciate the feedback..I'll check for that book
No doubt man... I assume that it goes without saying that everything that i post is my opinion. I understadn the difference between performance poetry and written poetry. They both are intended to be read aloud though. I know that when delivering a piece that you yourself crafted, there are parts that hinge on the delivery. Which, as writer, you have the perfect interpretation of. I'd be interested to see anything that you've done in front of a crowd or camera. You got something in audio or youtube or something?
Again, I'm continuing this discussion cause it interests me but I'm finding that alot of the "writers" on this board are not interested in any detailed analysis of wether a piece is effective enough. So, if you aint trying to hear it, please let me know so that I can stop wasting my carpal tunnel. Otherwise, I'm off to find another of your pieces.
<--- Lotame Behavioral Tags --- >
<--- Lotame Behavioral Tags --- >
Abstract Emotions...
Broad St. Bullies
