When one walks into her room they will see blue walls,
Electric blue that would make one think of the cold.
Cold, cold room without love or concern.
So sad and lonely.
Her shelves are stainless steel,
It isn’t inviting like wood,
It carries a menacing feel without mercy,
No heat could ever warm.
Her bed has a white down spread with a little stain on the side.
And it is filled with white pillows to sleep on and throw pillows that are all the colors of the rainbow.
It brings warmth to the cold electric blue and intimidating shelves of stainless steel.
You think of the sea,
The tropical sea full of colorful coral and exotic fish in a deep blue abyss.
On the walls of her bedroom you see paintings of orange desert scenes with burnt sienna accents and violet skies.
What a contrast,
Cold and warm…
She would peer into the window of Mr. Bulky’s candy store when she was just a girl,
She would admire all the colors,
The bright candy canes, not just red and white ones, but orange and green and blue and pink and rainbow colors as well.
They had multi colored lolli pops and so many different gummy worms,
And almost all the flavors anyone could ask for of jelly bellies.
It made her think of long lost days in Miami with her cousins,
All the tropical colors she used to bask play and explore in.
She would look and see all the colors work in harmony together.
Watch carefully until her mother would recognize that she had left her side,
Sometimes her mother would get carried away at The Jones Store and not notice her daughter was gone,
But she knew where to find her.
At that damn candy store.
“Come on Ashley time to go.”
She’d slowly turn to her mother and crack a reluctant smile,
A smile that was perfect on her baby doll face.
Then she would run and throw her arms around her mother and go on to say how much she loved the colors,
How warm they made her feel.
She lost her virginity just a few months ago at the tender age of 16 but not they way one would want to.
She was inlove with this guy, this guy that seemed so smooth,
He was just like velvet.
She wasn’t really up for jungle fever but she didn’t mind that he was Mexican,
He made her think of everything that was warm in the world.
Some kid named Jose with hair slicked back with three flowers that liked to teach her dirty words and how to say, “I love you”,
Te amo,
Cochina,
Chinga tu Madre.
She went to his house one day after school,
It was spring and it seemed as if love was in the air.
“Bonita Negrita come study with me,”
“Yeah sure Jose we got a lot of homework to do!”
They would always exchange I love yous in Spanish she thought it was so cute.
She noticed his mother wasn’t there and so she asked him where she was,
“No esta aqui mi amor, she went with my sister somewhere she won’t be back until tonight.”
They started studying but she noticed that he wasn’t paying attention to her paraphrasing the text for history.
Her heart started pounding and her legs started shaking and her stomach started to turn because she knew what he was thinking and she knew he knew that she was thinking it too and this embarrassed her.
Slowly his hand moved towards her and within seconds,
Contact.
Her heart fluttered,
And with that one gentle move everything went so fast.
Heavy panting and kissing and him rapidly moving his fingers back and forth awkwardly trying to explore her every crevice,
Her moving back and forth, side to side trying to move further towards his body.
He hoisted her up onto the steel table that was in the living room and they both knew what they wanted,
He gave her a thoughtful are you sure,
She hesitated body language said she wasn’t but she shook her little head thinking that she was old enough to handle it.
He pulled off her clothes and started slowly moving it in.
Pain,
Ouch,
“No wait mi amor, it hurts go slow”.
He went slow but still pain.
“Ouch mi amore stop!”
“You’re gonna have to get past the pain so let me continue I will work it in corazon”.
Within a few seconds he was done.
He didn’t kiss her just moved away turned his back and put his clothes back on,
All She had was that cold steel to comfort her.
Tears rolled down her face.
“This wasn’t tender mi amor, you were supposed to make it special!”
He turned and faced her with a thoughtful look,
“Mi amor I am sorry I was caught in the moment, will you forgive me?”
She forgave him.
But she was never the same.
Their relationship that was so warm turned cold,
as cold as that table she lost it on.
One week later they broke up and he went with some other starry eyed girl.
Her image of herself was distorted,
Ugly,
Lost somewhere between those warm days in Miami and cold nights in Chicago.
Nights were she curses herself for allowing that jerk to take it from her.
With bleak industrial steel she reminds herself of her cold mistakes,
And with bright warm colors she reminds herself of her innocence,
Tells herself she is still that playful spirit peering into a candy store.
Feng Shui for the broken heart.
__________________ pourqoui pourquoi meme quand les gens s'aiment
il y a, il y a, toujours des problèmes?
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Feng Shui For the Broken Heart
