Apologies

[Witness]

What I said before, I take it all back
Im no ***** but I dont want this crap
to grow in to world war, that hurt people
some white and some black, we are all brothas
who fight for the right to write, its our civil right
I just thought that I was under attack
at the first sight, your **** didnt come to light
but after second sight, it has its legal right
to fly like a eagle, nonstop flight
so Im asking that can I rewrite my text
Yes Im a new to writing text,
thats why my face all perplexed, what come´s to next
Im ready take the witness stand
and try to get you all to understand
on the other hand, I need you to guide me
Im like Jekyll and you are the Hyde
so I need you at my side, to improve
to help me to choose my next chess move
Im just asking good, critics to prove
that there is something bad to remove
and something that can help me move
critics, analytics all kind of words
that show me that Im not the worst
cursed , or ready to burst.

[Sicilian Spit]

So weak

[Ecliptik]

So weak

yea....real constructive....:dry:

anyways....this wasn't great (notice how i wasn't as harsh but still honest:yes: )

ya scheme is slightly off....you have a subject that is a risky one because your not as skilled as certain people....it won't come off as clean....in order to improve that....what you should do is up your vocabulary just a little...not alot....just a little....and give as much detail as possible....cause the way you have it set up is a quick half ass scenario...and then it falls.....

don't get me wrong...it's not wack...but it's not good...it's very "eh"....try the suggestions i gave you wit the vocab/ detail.....you'll find your flow scheme yourself....

[Sicilian Spit]

I guess I should have elaborated. It just doesn't flow well, some of it doesn't rhyme, I don't really think the word crap should ever be used in a rap song, unless its in a hella sick metaphor or something like that. And the lines just don't feed off one another. But there is some potential, just peep how other people write, incorporate some of that into your own style and its all good.