First SOHH freestyle

[jrz23]

With the force of a thousand men/
and one stroke of the pen/
I rearrange the earths positioning, along with the land/
without a stance/
emcees fall like baggy jeans/
into depths of destruction/
ambulances rushing to the scene/
blood leaking out both ya chest and both ears/
family members letting out screams while tears, shower the ground/
now your soul is heaven bound/
get your face torn apart when I appear with the four pound/
no sound/
just the silence of death/
preceded by your last struggling breath/
the avenger is the justice of the world/
No diamonds and girls/
just cash and queens is what I hold/
along with a loaded clip to separate you from your soul/
either roll or oppose, but the choice yours/
but be aware of those/
who are plottin to put you under the floor/
knowledge is what I strive for/
from ignorance I run away/
street smarts are necessary in the game of life we play/
but never stray far from your path/
remain in the pack/
become a wolf/
hunt your own prey stay on tact/
but be a leader/
those who trail become victims of the heater/
don't be a non believer /
on the streets you can get touched /
no man is either immortal nor invincible/
and eyes can see all/
so don't pretend to be invisible.

[ILL_FAM]

yeah man thats kool for ur first drop

but there definitely room for improvement bruv

hit me up if u wanna battle :smoker:

[jrz23]

yeah man thats kool for ur first drop
but there definitely room for improvement bruv
hit me up if u wanna battle :smoker:


Improvement??? what would you suggest?

[ILL_FAM]

theres always room for improvement man....i think the flow was good because of the structure of the piece....yet i think u should throw some meta 4's and more complex multies into the mix i like to sit back and read somebody's stuff and like u know laugh and be like thats the ****

[#1rapper]

yeah multis are kool and all but dont get carried away with saying shyt like
nice bick slice twice night lights, and shyt like that, cuz imo that shyt was pretty good, content was consistent and like ill fam said the structure was good, would probably sound pretty good over a beat

[ILL_FAM]

yep :smoker:

yo people who see this hit my **** up not the easiest to read but still :laugh:

[jrz23]

yep :smoker:
yo people who see this hit my **** up not the easiest to read but still :laugh:

lol

[jrz23]

yeah multis are kool and all but dont get carried away with saying shyt like
nice bick slice twice night lights, and shyt like that, cuz imo that shyt was pretty good, content was consistent and like ill fam said the structure was good, would probably sound pretty good over a beat

Thanks for the advice.

[theman080]

Yeah the wording was pretty cool, so was the vocab, my suggestion would be to mess with your structure so it reads easier, and try to rhyme more syllables...

like....

A thousand men, get downed again
Pop ****, the pound I send, the crown I get

You probably already know that **** already but its just what came to my head, all advice and **** aside this was a pretty good drop in itself

Stay Up

[jrz23]

^^^^ good lookin out!