I Won't Give In

[tash8]

za as

[BreakCanon]

Hey tash. Thanks for replying to my post. Here I am to return the favor.

The flow was a little iffy at times, but this had its moments. You may want to work on whittling the cussing down to a minimum, as it detracts from the readers ability to take it seriously. A swear here and there is no problem, but when your piece is chock full of them, it dilutes your work imho.

Because to you it's not even an existence matter (perhaps change to existential)
Like ur across the bridge and its just distance chatter (perhaps add long in between distance and chatter)

One thing I will say is that you get your pain and anger across loud and clear in this piece. Nice work.

[tash8]

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