Old Fashioned

[Marie 03]

it's been a while since I've been here and even longer since I've written anything.

I did find this one though that I wrote a while back after talking to a friend on the phone. She gave me the title and I had to come up with something. The rhyme scheme isn't my usual style, but I picked it to go along with the title.

Old Fashioned

Wine Me and dine me, treat me divinely
And you'll have a lady for life
Be funny, amuse me, but never abuse me,
And one day you can call me your wife

Love me, don't just sex me, but try not to vex me
And I'll always be around
Surprise me with flowers, talk all night for hours
And we'll stay on solid ground

Hold me and protect me, never neglect me
Respect my body and my mind
Tell me I'm lovely, put no one above me
And a wonderful partner you will find

A lil note here or there, just a reminder that you care
I wanna know what's in your heart
Tell me how you feel, and always keep it real
Now's a good time to start

Be faithful, be true, and I'll stick with you
Through good times and the bad
The two of us together, can withstand any weather
Our happiness will outweigh the sad

Here's my heart, take it, and promise not to break it
Say that you'll give me the world
I'm one of a kind, one like me you'll never find
I'm an old fashioned kind of girl



i know its a lil weak in places, but it was mostly a lighthearted piece.

[energy]

The limerick flow of this gets a little Hallmark card at times but at least you got a ****ing structure! This piece is for anniversary cards and would get tired if delivered in person. There's heart there, but the legs ain't strong enough.

[Marie 03]

The limerick flow of this gets a little Hallmark card at times but at least you got a ****ing structure! This piece is for anniversary cards and would get tired if delivered in person. There's heart there, but the legs ain't strong enough.


thanks for the review

the hallmark thing was kinda what i was going for. i just wanted to write something lightweight, but had something there.

[energy]

Yeah the structure was a welcome addition to my reading today. I know you knew what you were doing with it. You've displayed mathematics, now I want to see you paint! Feel me? What else you got around here that might be more abstract? I'd be interested in checking it out if you're welcoming an audience.