Dominion: 52 Pick Up

[Midnite]

I gotta get my focus back,
can't do my job without that,
Dad told me I should say a quick prayer,
asking for forgiveness of my savior,
but there's no such thing as a quick prayer,
I'ma do all that later, but I need God to do me a favor,
Maybe he, she, or it could cut down on the wind,
seriously, have some lightening knock down that tree limb,

trees...man I used to love climbing them when I was a kid,
and all the crazy things that I did up there with Liz,
that girl had some really nice...nails, if you know what I mean,
every moment up there was liking living a dream

Fukk, Shyt, I gotta stop that, stop that,
I can't do my job if I don't get my focus back,
I've been up here on this roof for 12 hours,
sun up, sun down, and through interminent rain showers,
I'm starting to doubt the intel I was given,
if nothing happens soon, I'ma kill Steven,
that little bugger swears he's got the inside track,
I'ma rip his head off...

No, I gotta get my focus back,
I see lights in the distance heading in my direction,
5 miles off, aight Steve, I won't stab you in the neck kid,
I open up my dufflebag and assemble my puzzle,
3 miles off, scope up, silencer on the muzzle,
I load up my ammo clip and put on the night vision,
a mile away, gotta make it tight, with surgical percision,
5 cars, I aim for the passenger in the fourth,
3 shots, that's all I need, nothing more,
My target took two the chest and one to the head,
and I was at the bar before they knew he was dead,

30mins later, I was a million dollars richer,
15mins later, I was with a girl with a dangerous figure,
I really should be leaving the country or even the city,
I just killed their President, and they're out looking for me,
but this girl is amazing and she needs me to stay,
what did Dad say? Oh yea, maybe I should pray,
No, wait, I'm really getting off track,
"Get off me B!TCH! I need my focus back!"

I grabbed up my things and ran to my car,
they didn't see me, escape shouldn't be that hard,
I'm only 5miles away from the border, I can make it,
I a got a cool mil in the bank, I'm going to Vegas,
3 more miles now, I'ma buy a brand new house,
maybe marry my girl and move somewhere south,
A mile away, I'm daydreamin, I need to focus,
look around, it's too easy, grab a nightscope kid,
I keep driving, looking at my surroundings, wary,
then I see it, a sniper, dead to rights, scary,
maybe I should've said a prayer, listened to dad,
too late now, gotta get my focus ba....

[IvIdividual]

Glad to see you kind of stray away from the style you dropped on the last couple peices.

Well...

52 pick up started out kinda slow. Like you were throwing down one card at a time. The whole climbing the tree thing...etc. Then the story turns into something totaly unexpected. I didnt really see the connection between climbing trees but I liked the connection with the whole "focus" and "father suggesting prayer" to make your job seem ok.

"My target took two the chest and one to the head,
and I was at the bar before they knew he was dead"
Whoa! Nice imagery. that should be a normal day for a assasin.

But once again you pulled through on the ending. I wish the beginning was as suspensful.

Not really your best work here. But it was a refreshing change from your other stuff.

I liked the way the character was thinking about how or what he was going to spend his money on with the anticipation of crossing the boarder. Seems very realistic. I know that what i would of done. Damn! A mil burning a whole in my pock......


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IvI

[W.I.Z.E.]

You know what amazes me about you work...it's simplistic yet very effective.

This was no different. Although, the beginning was a bit slower than usual for you. And I was thinking where the hell is this going and why is he talking about what he did in a tree w/ this chick.

But right after the "dream" line things picked right up. I liked the way you get tying the story together w/ getting your focus back. Good story, the flow was simplistic but effective.

And it was pretty descriptive overall.

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[W.I.Z.E.]

[FONT=tahoma]lol...wow I didn't read AVK's review at all and pretty much had the same take.[FONT]