DOMINION: In My Arms?

[IvIdividual]

I was the first to hold you.
Your little eyes failed focus.
The light is new.
The moist dark bundle was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
Derailed.
You attached me to everything I promised
Telling me you love me regardless...
I will never treat you like he did me
...Ive sworn
Heart vs Warm

I was the first to control you.
Your flailing heart's evil focus
Feeling love is new
The moist dark hunger was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
You left my tips visualy intact.
fingerless grasp after completing the catch
You viscious.... Im at a loss for words
Object of a relationship is for pray
hawk vs worm

I was the gift of man-hood.
Your own flesh and new focus
You left me.
The moist clear liquior was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
Every thought about you is a question
Even in your absence I am exactly you.
So confused.
Still I am apart of you
Till your death
I already cop'd a front row ticket.
Dark vs Son.



IvI

[Sleeps Thoreau]

The moist dark bundle was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
Heart vs Warm



The moist dark hunger was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
hawk vs worm



The moist clear liquior was home
Did you feel alone in my arms?
Dark vs Son.


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I have to admit i didn't reaaaallly get this. It seems to me the first and last stanza are about a father and son relationship/ or lack there of as it may have turned out. The middle confuses me though.. maybe its the heart speaking directly, or refering to mother

in any case i will continue reading this to decipher it
i love the structure though with the middle sentences repeating: "...was home/ ...alone in my arms?" and then the last sentences
it had a calm pace

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[Midnite]

i liked how every stanza maintained the same structure, and you worked in and around it

I read the first stanza and thought fatherhood, I read the second and thought maybe it's about fatherhood, then i read the third and thought, it's definitely fatherhood, and a son....

this was emotional, but not sappy

<><><><>

[theman080]

At first this ish went a bit over may head but the last stanza/comments clarified it a bit and on that tip it was a pretty cool read. The flow was straight and at one point went really well. The structure made it unique, plus the topic was diff. then most the sh1t dropped so far...



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Stay Up

[IvIdividual]

I would have let you all figure it out...but i feel like if you know who Im talking about you can feel this isht a little more.

In this exact order...

My Daughter
Her Mother
My Father



IvI

[Midnite]

I would have let you all figure it out...but i feel like if you know who Im talking about you can feel this isht a little more.
In this exact order...
My Daughter
Her Mother
My Father
IvI


considering i already gave a strong score, i won't change it, but you got that sense of parenthood