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View Full Version : DOMINION: My Souls Unplugged


sn0man
01-22-07, 12:04 AM
For us disgusting beings(myself included) who can watch atrocities on the news then eat dinner and forget it. Its kind of short but I don't have much time.

Coverage of the world, I can behold through the screen
Placement got my digits feelin at home on the keys
Bombs tearin down the schools
I hear it on the news
Rebels in ski masks
rubble assembled as key stats
I can pinpoint conflict
in my palm gripped
but why cry?
I see nothing but palm pilots and wifi
these images will get no such love
my souls unplugged
but my body is wireless
Just a low tech effect of my environment
the suffering I can't grab I can't grasp
As civilians worry about a new age Hitler
Im pissed about coverage, the grain of picture
Natives cringe as the rounds strike life
I cringe cuz the quality of the sound bytes bite
violence is inbred in their history
MPEG's let me get the gist, ya see
every minute more martyrs morned from mortors
every half hour on the hour is the war reporter
kids cryin cuz they hear the blasts rip
Im pissed they got the camera Im hearin static
buildin schools, the news might show an aerial
60 minute interview for whoever wants to bury you

yaga
01-22-07, 12:23 AM
Nothing wrong with a quick quip... unfocused, yeah, but it's what sparks other ideas. Necessary slips. I'm not really feeling the whole "while disaster strikes i'm b*tching about the clarity of my television." In my opinion i don't really believe people are like that. But that part where you mentioned that:

"but why cry? / I see nothing but palm pilots and wifi / these images will get no such love / my souls unplugged / but my body is wireless"

...was hot. lol.

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Sleeps Thoreau
01-22-07, 12:45 AM
I see nothing but palm pilots and wifi
these images will get no such love
my souls unplugged
but my body is wireless
Just a low tech effect of my environment
======my favorite part


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Just last week i was at one of my activist mentor's house. We're sitting there and he's reading the paper and im on his computer. And there was iraq on TV. I stopped him and expressed how powerless i feel and also how priveledged, and how wrong all at the same time.. that in this day in age with the capacity to communicate (myspace, emails, youtube.. u name it) and the information out how this sh1t can just go on before our eyes.
sh1t that was happening a century ago (imperialism) in not much more of an advanced fashion than it was then [marines go in, set up a temporary government under our management, then incorporate tools of acculturation] and we just sit there doing nothing.. with no reasonable excuse like: we can't do anything.
the truth is that we've lost our teeth. just being honest. we who fight for freedom have been pacified.. its a double edged sword.

anyway

the piece was ok. i dont think it took off as its own, it was kind of whiney, i was just hearing you; and like i feel what yaga is saying.. i get what u mean about us being desensitized but u didnt make it believable the way u presented it. You shouldve taken some time out to incorporate some other stuff like maybe ur brother in the corner playing a war video game or some ish.. also the flow at some parts was forced, cause u did it on the spot..
for example "gist, ya see"
there are some great themes here tho.. like the race for mans soul, technology and nature.. emotions and logic... sh1t like that.. but with so much potential u didn't reach the heights i know u can

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IvIdividual
01-22-07, 08:37 AM
This was a almost perfect episode of intertwined modern impulse spectacles and shocking real life issues we see on television today. You really captured the topic you were shooting for here. The real life issue topic is almost garunteed to catch the readers attention because, of course, he/she can relate...because they are living it.

"But why cry?
I see nothing but palm pilots and wifi
these images will get no such love
my souls unplugged
but my body is wireless"

This was not a flowing peice. I could imagine watching the news and maybe a commercial poppin up or one of those pictures in a picture poppin up. Thats how I read it, and it worked out fine, although the verse in a whole seemed incomplete.

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IvI

#1rapper
01-22-07, 01:25 PM
for this one i agree with the others, the drop was good but it wasn't great, it had some stand out parts in it like

"every minute more martyrs morned from mortors
every half hour on the hour is the war reporter" ---good shyt right there

and i liked

"Natives cringe as the rounds strike life
I cringe cuz the quality of the sound bytes bite" ---actually made me chuckle

so bascially, the content was there but on this piece flow would of done some wonders for it so i gotta give it

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theman080
01-24-07, 07:50 PM
I liked this, to me this resonated a little bit, Its easy to take things for granted when you're worried about the insignificant ish ya faced with day to day and not takin in the larger scheme of things...


The flow amd multis were effective and also I enjoyed the wordplay, I liked this drop, good shyt...

Stay Up





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In$ane $hane
01-24-07, 08:55 PM
liked da concept on dis 1...good lines

(such as....I see nothing but palm pilots and wifi
these images will get no such love
my souls unplugged
but my body is wireless & ...
violence is inbred in their history
MPEG's let me get the gist, ya see
every minute more martyrs morned from mortors
every half hour on the hour is the war reporter
kids cryin cuz they hear the blasts rip
Im pissed they got the camera Im hearin static)

but if i had 2 say u had to fix something,it would be da flow...it was good,but it could of been better...prolli should went wit a slow longer lines flow...but it was solid

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