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Midnite
01-21-07, 11:23 PM
A home, a home, I’m so very close,
A place to finally rest my head,
To justify my years of hope,
To honor those long since dead,
Lord, you have blessed me this day,
I see it now so clearly on the horizon,
A home, a home, I would pray,
And now you have granted a future to my son…

It took 3 days for the mighty Sahara to heal from her wound. 3 full days and nights for our people to prepare for a battle with the People of the Sun. The Pharaoh had a force that dwarfed ours. Yet we never feared the numbers game, rather, we were a people of destiny. 3 days and nights for the world itself to acknowledge our right to a home, our right to be free.

On the first day, the skies opened and poured down a torrent of rain that would have drowned a fish. The trench that The Nomad had dug was filled with clear pristine water, and the Pharaoh’s forces were forced to scurry for protection. The Nomad did no such thing. He sat in the rain, and meditated, ebony blade on his lap, eyes red, breath calm, muscles flexed, staring into the eyes of his enemy from a km away. He was focused, we were ecstatic, a monsoon in the desert? The lord’s blessed us.

On the second day, the desert winds howled and stole away from us our good fortune. The mighty Sahara wanted here pound of flesh for what was done to her. From the four corners a cold, menacing and arbitrary wind swept away our food, tents, and stilled the heart of the Nile. We cried out in pain as we were lashed at like slaves, but that too would be quieted when the sands poured into our eyes, mouths and noses. We could no longer see what was being done to us, how our breathe was being taken from us, we were no longer free men and women, we were….

The Nomad: Enough of this; stand tall or die where you lie,
I will not fall to whims of this b!tch,
No…NO! We will not be denied,
This storm is but a mirage, a cruel trick,
Leave us be, give us safe passage,
Or by the War God himself, I will take your heart,
Stop tormenting my people you sick bastard,
Or I will personally tear you apart…

The Nomad then unsheathed his ebony sword, whose thirst for souls was unquenchable, and bore its blade through the sands, and pierced the heart of our mother. The winds ceased immediately, the Nile’s heart began to beat again, our voices, our sight, returned to us. The Nomad stood, eyes the color of hell fire, blade in hand, feet firm in the shifting sands, and spoke again in a voice of breaking stone.

I will not die until I have found what I seek,
I will not fall to you Mother, No, not this day,
You are not my enemy, your will is weak,
And it will remain so, until I leave this place…

On the third day, there was calm. The winds blew lightly, only to cool the temper of The Nomad. The Nile rode it’s backwards route as it had for a millennia, and the sands cried out as they furiously attempted to heal its wounds. The Pharaoh had seen what had transpired the day before, and was now sure that he was facing a demon. But the Pharaoh was not scared, no, he was a God, and it was his duty to exercise the world of such an evil and contemptuous spirit. This was a conflict of far greater importance than he originally imagined, he was to save all of Africa and the world from evil.

Pharaoh: Assemble the forces; the desert is nearly healed,
We will strike at dawn; we must destroy the demon seed,
He is no man, no, he is evil incarnate,
I am a God; I have decided his fate,
Do not fall for his tricks, don’t be amazed,
We have won, Pharaoh be praised…

On the fourth day, the Sahara was healed. As the sun began to awake from its slumber, both forces began to amass. They would prepare for the greatest battle to ever be fought, a battle that would shape the history of men for centuries. The Nomad assembled his forces, an army that would face a force 4 times its own, but we did not fear. In our eyes, this was a mismatch in our favor. We were lead by a man who tamed nature herself by sheer force of will, what would an army of men do to us?

The Nomad pulled me aside, and asked me a favor…

The Nomad: Take ten thousand men, and protect the families,
We will fight the People of the Sun, will you proceed,
Head east until the ground turns black as my blade,
Then go north until you are in the lands of Abu Sayeed,
He will guide you all to a land just north of the fire,
That is where our home will be; there you light a pyre,
For those who have fallen here on this day,
We will open the path; the rest is up to fate,
No, you must go, what is done is done,
All I ask…is that you watch over my son…

I followed this man for twenty years, twenty long hard years. In the end, he trusted me enough to protect his family and his people. Those who relied on him no relied on me. He would lead an army of wanders against the combined nations of Africa in the harshest Desert in the world, on the hottest day in a century, with Mother herself fighting his every step.

I took our people, and did as I was asked. See, he never ordered anyone to do anything, he merely asked, and we always did what he asked. I do not know what happened on the battlefield. I do not know if he fell or if he succeeded. But I have not seen my friend, my leader, my brother, my father, in a long time, and I fear that he has found his home….

To Be Continued: Dominion: Through the Nomad’s eyes

Invisible Vision
01-22-07, 12:00 AM
You know, I have ALWAYS said that Nite is one of the best writers on this site. And you know this.... not to get sappy, but for years we'd be reading each other's work, and i felt like you, me and another cat or two (Free, pm for a while, oso, ... a few others) were just so underrated as far as this site was concerned. there were heavy hitters, dudes that came through with more confidence, more of a shtick, more full of themselves, and gained a reputation, or a following or whatever....

But i always named you as one of hte best writers on sohh, always thanked you for the support....

See i'm not gonna drop a number rating on this, because to me... this isn't a verse. This is a piece of work, a piece of your craft. I'm already looking for more.... And so dudes don't catch feelings, i'm not some groupie, there haven't been that many cats on here that i really appreciated and enjoyed the writing of, maybe three come to mind...

this wasn't a "hot verse" or a "nice drop." This was High quality writing, the beginnings of a story worth publishing. Not on some "this is hte hottest shlt i've ever seen" shlt.... just recognition of good work. I have some criticisms... but if it doesn't bother you too much, i'd prefer to save them till hte piece is finished, because i wouldn't want to affect change to your direction or style that you're going with in this piece.

Its good writing. Stuff like this makes me proud we came up in the same "class." Perfect example for cats that wanna know how to grow their own style...

Stay up, dark one.

IvIdividual
01-22-07, 09:08 AM
Yooooooooooooooooooo! and the saga continues??? Man...I need some more popcorn. I agree with I.V. on 12am aka Midnite being one of the most slept on kats on this site. I have had the op. to collab with him a few times and he never ceases to amaze me. So whatever is greater than amazement...Thats how I am feeling now.


"See, he never ordered anyone to do anything, he merely asked"

...Thats heavy!


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#1rapper
01-22-07, 01:18 PM
this whole drop was done in perfection, the writing here claelry showcases your ability and is an area at which you excell at, theres nothing in this piece that left me bored, im actually looking foward to the next drop

and the winner for my first perfect score is (drumroll)
Midnite!!!

good shyt for real though
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Sleeps Thoreau
01-22-07, 03:44 PM
spoke again in a voice of breaking stone.
====whoa! thats pretty increadible


I will not die until I have found what I seek,
I will not fall to you Mother, No, not this day,
You are not my enemy, your will is weak,
And it will remain so, until I leave this place…

=========between these two passages there is a jump that i can imagine being filled in with silent imagery. Like in a movie we would see this dude hiking and comming along some trouble.. maybe eating some kind of animal to survive and having small talks and maybe even a subplot with a woman. But the jumps if thats u then do u. Im just saying theres room to develop this into a trememdously long piece

On the third day, there was calm. The winds blew lightly, only to cool the temper of The Nomad. The Nile rode it’s backwards route as it had for a millennia, and the sands cried out as they furiously attempted to heal its wounds. The Pharaoh had seen what had transpired the day before, and was now sure that he was facing a demon. But the Pharaoh was not scared, no, he was a God, and it was his duty to exercise the world of such an evil and contemptuous spirit. This was a conflict of far greater importance than he originally imagined, he was to save all of Africa and the world from evil.

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DOG.. your imagination can make you millions of dollars! you have this foresight that i lack. see when i write im very intricate about the moment.. and sacrificed is my ability to see what might come next and so on. You cast your vision a long way and bring together all these subplots and characters and places.

I can see you writing novels that are co-opted as movies. The thing is do u have the patience to fill the inbetweens? Cause as a work like this stands it can be a comic book. But i see potential for much more if u can stretch it.

considering we the space and time we are dealing with (like noone is gonna read a novel) i must admit this truelly was entertaining. It felt complete in comparison to the last and ur voice was very visual. The end was a great twist


i would give it a 5, why not
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Courtdog
01-22-07, 05:32 PM
I think it was average at best :smoker:

Midnite
01-22-07, 06:31 PM
I think it was average at best :smoker:


ok....so how many diamonds should i put you down for?

3? 2.5?:cool:

theman080
01-24-07, 07:06 PM
Average at best? You describin ya future epitaph and/or synopsis of ya career in rap??




This was High quality writing, the beginnings of a story worth publishing.

^^^ That's what I was thinking when I was writing this...I underrated the first peice in anticipation that this one would pack more of a punch and I was right. This ish was ill, wouldnt be surprised to see this in a short story book or even a novel if you had the background knowedge and drive to do it. The story kicked in, good writing, pacing wasn't bad for its length, this was REALLY good story telling. You got this type of shyt wrapped up pretty well, and this is just some shyt you droppin online too...





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I was gonna reserve the 5 star rating for the conclusion but the logic for doin that is gone at the moment. I should've rated the first one higher anyway, so it all ends up close to even.

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