DOMINION: Originally Unoriginal

[theman080]

What the fukk is writer's block, you can do it again
Copy the next mans best plans and move wit a pen
Though he did it like this, fukk it, you can change it a bit
Aim a little bit higher and claim the name of his spits
In the game its like this, you got recycling liars
Whose typing is tired so they take a bite of your fire
Maybe its too hot at first taste, the sight they admired
Regurgitates in the worst way, from Titan to child
From lightnin' to mild, rip a thin sketch of the kids best
See through text, blind spotted, this peep-hole jest
If you peep-hole peakin, from ya hole in the ceilin'
How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
If you posted up on the third floor, dont speak of the second
You the teacher's pupil you need it I'ma teach you a lesson...

***beat switches***

You couldnt guess the calamity you cause in the scene
Artificial, when I fix you, be apart the beam
Its some serious shyt rippin other artists and teams
Loses respect for the whole game, a target is seen
You responsible fa designation, resignation is needed
Or degredation every statement of ya name when I speak it
Biters aint hyped fighters, see I'm liftin these criminals
Ya addition is minimal, and aside from bitten ****... <beat cuts>

yea originally unoriginal...
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DISCLAIMER: Took the dominion project to heart and switched my style a little bit, tried to abandon multis a little bit and write to a beat to shorten my bars up, so the quality may be a lil down on this one...
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[sn0man]

If you peep-hole peakin, from ya hole in the ceilin'
How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
If you posted up on the third floor, dont speak of the second

Some of the dopest sh1t Ive seen so far in the Dominion that was a hot ass line/concept

Vocab was good the concept was aight but you pulled it off great lke an old aight joke flipped to be great the flow was good lol after the beatswitched I thought it fell off a bit cuz it kinda went in all directions IMO

first part <><><><>
second part<><><>

[Sleeps Thoreau]

What the fukk is writer's block, you can do it again
Copy the next mans best plans and move wit a pen
Though he did it like this, fukk it, you can change it a bit
Aim a little bit higher and claim the name of his spits
----so you've set a steady flow; alright/ok. You're being sarcastic; a good way to start a piece like this.


In the game its like this, you got recycling liars
Whose typing is tired so they take a bite of your fire
Maybe its too hot at first taste, the sight they admired
Regurgitates in the worst way, from Titan to child
----flow still on point. wordplay is ehh.. ur getting ur point across with biting the fire and it being hot, or regurgitating and child, but nothing too complex


From lightnin' to mild, rip a thin sketch of the kids best
See through text, blind spotted, this peep-hole jest
-----nice what u did to the rhyme here; stretched it, and its a metaphor for what the biter does. So in these bars ur words have action. feeling that



If you peep-hole peakin, from ya hole in the ceilin'
How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
If you posted up on the third floor, dont speak of the second
You the teacher's pupil you need it I'ma teach you a lesson...
-----with this section your piece really comes together. cause combined with the last section ur really building and showing great technique. Well thought out, intricate philosophy here.



***beat switches***

You couldnt guess the calamity you cause in the scene
Artificial, when I fix you, be apart the beam
Its some serious shyt rippin other artists and teams
Loses respect for the whole game, a target is seen
You responsible fa designation, resignation is needed
Or degredation every statement of ya name when I speak it
Biters aint hyped fighters, see I'm liftin these criminals
Ya addition is minimal, and aside from bitten ****... <beat cuts>

yea originally unoriginal...

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The flow was tight throughout the piece. Ummm.. i thought the first two sections i highlighted could have been tighter, but ur allowed to kind of use those as build in a piece like this so it dont matter what i think.. it worked when u pulled it together after that.
I can see this as a subliminal shot at someone and judging it as that kind of piece, relative to how a piece like that would best work (im not gonna stand this up against say.. a story piece for example)

i'll give it <> <> <> <

it could have been longer cause just as i began enjoying the first part you switched up and that part was kind of quick and passing. Make use of references in hiphop culture.. allude to kats whove been shamed for biting for example. Remember all spoken art is timeless and historical. Back in the day there were anecdotes told of past legends. For example if u were working more on this piece u might wanna bring it back to something like millie vanillie.. or for the more deeper heads to appreciate; sugar hill gang (taking from Kaz)

[IvIdividual]

Not bad. I commend you for trying a new style. You have mastered multi's and its time to master something else. As time changes your style will need to change. I wasnt really sure what you were trying to project from your drop. I couldnt really figure out the over all subject. Biters perhaps??? Anyway...I felt this section right here:

"How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
If you posted up on the third floor, dont speak of the second
You the teacher's pupil you need it I'ma teach you a lesson..."

Had substance to it. Like i said before, I really didnt grasp the whole nature of the drop. Like you said it was kind of lacking.

Ima give you <><>

Dont take it to heart. Im being hard on the scale to all participants.


IvI

[W.I.Z.E.]

Though he did it like this, fukk it, you can change it a bit
Aim a little bit higher and claim the name of his spits
In the game its like this, you got recycling liars
Whose typing is tired so they take a bite of your fire


From lightnin' to mild, rip a thin sketch of the kids best
See through text, blind spotted, this peep-hole jest
If you peep-hole peakin, from ya hole in the ceilin'
How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
I

First...Honestly I've always like your style. If no one can tell I"m a fan of multis and carrying it through multiple bars. That being said I don't think you REALLY changed your style up here. It was pretty similar to your MO.

That should not take away from me assessing the quality of you work.

Flow on point as usual. The content of biters is cool. as was your tone. I did NOT like the beat switch. You were catchin' the groove w/ that first section and interrupted it unnecessarily IMO.

Plus, I"ve seen you drop better before.

Solid drop but nothing spectacular.

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[In$ane $hane]

i feel you 100% on dat biting shyt...loved da intro,really gave it feeling...but nice concept,i rather jus sample ma own shyt(on some "Nas is Like" shyt)lol...

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[yaga]

In the game its like this, you got recycling liars
Whose typing is tired so they take a bite of your fire
Maybe its too hot at first taste, the sight they admired
Regurgitates in the worst way, from Titan to child
From lightnin' to mild...

- Everything, including the above quotes section, was hot. All i can say is you have a really great flow, carrying a good subject and keeping uptempo enough to keep me interested. It's hot. But i stopped at "From Lightnin' to mild" because the rhyme's forced. This is just the point where it seems like you've stretched your vocab so far that it's a bit difficult to carry the rhyme.

At a point like this i'd say switch the scheme up. If it makes you have to go back to the structure of the entire piece, do it. In the end you'll have a classic, tight-knit joint.

From lightnin' to mild, rip a thin sketch of the kids best
See through text, blind spotted, this peep-hole jest
If you peep-hole peakin, from ya hole in the ceilin'
How the **** can you encompass the full scope of the buildin'
If you posted up on the third floor, dont speak of the second
You the teacher's pupil you need it I'ma teach you a lesson...

:ohmy:

STRAIGHT FIRE!

Seriously, i know i haven't peeped that much sh*t just yet... but yo this is straight heat, man. Honestly. I haven't read someone's sh*t that carries so well (the attitude in the flow, or tone of the piece) since the last time i read Buddah. The only reason why i'm not giving this 5 stars is because the subject isn't that hard to flip, and the whole concept of why dishonesty in the game is so detrimental wasn't REALLY supported, or rather hit upon that hard.

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