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G-UnitBulletProof
01-13-07, 01:15 AM
Nightmare
In a parallel universe where you can get shanked or clapped,
No where to go your lost even with a map.
A world where evil is good and good is evil,
I’ve been locked up more times then Beanie Segal.
Watch your step it might be the last one you take,
I messed up now I made a huge mistake.
Trying to wake up it won’t work now I’m stuck,
Traveling around and I’m all out of luck.
I see the devil he offers me seat,
Next thing I know my arms are locked and so are my feet.
He tells me I have two choices and I gotta make one quick,
He said either die or be fatally sick.
I sat there and stared into his red eyes,
I said let me go and I refuse to die.
Fused with anger the devil makes his move,
Thinking I wonder what I said was even true.
Do I refuse to die? Or is this a part of the nightmare?
Or a deranged game of truth or dare?
Next thing you know I’m 10 feet high in the devil’s hand,
Slowly my body is disintegrating into a bunch of sand.
The more I yell the faster I vanish,
I see a big hole under me with a tombstone,
Falling into the world of the unknown, I wake up in my bed all alone.

MaCRonI
01-13-07, 01:31 AM
I'm like in the nrrative jonit you got here...it's really hot in the sesne that it tells a story and is poignant b/c we all have fears of meeting with the devil and choosing to insinerate in hell's flames. My only advice is to make sure your metaphors avivid to plant pictures...liek this one was great:

Slowly my body is disintegrating into a bunch of sand.

Dope drop though....

8/10

Cali_Bud
01-13-07, 10:54 AM
Yeah this was def a good drop:yes:

G-UnitBulletProof
01-13-07, 12:04 PM
thanks anymore comments?

G-UnitBulletProof
01-15-07, 11:17 PM
come on peeps need more comments!

In$ane $hane
01-16-07, 10:29 AM
yea wat MaC sed,couldn put it any better

7.5/10

In$ane $hane
01-16-07, 10:31 AM
Dat Iverson avatar shyt iz Comedy tho
u get 9.5/10 4 dat 1

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

In$ane $hane
01-16-07, 10:33 AM
Dat Iverson avatar iz Comedy tho
u get 9.5/10 4 dat 1,lmao

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Child Proof
01-16-07, 03:10 PM
Imma fan of story telling...you did it well! It kinda felt like you cut it off though, you can definitely add on to it. Nice drop!

G-UnitBulletProof
01-16-07, 06:07 PM
yea i wrote it in like 10 mins lol it was easy i only put work taht i dont finish in the net the work that i do finish i store away