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Irish-dipstick
10-18-06, 03:52 PM
i adventure new venture my mind over mentor is driving me mental
im instrumental on loop my life in a wind whirl in the heart of a real girl
my world but i seen her and froze u got over me then why the bloody nose
she still fights over me for a sandwich its sad but its poverty
no novelty i no the medium but i also no the low i could be homeless
so im happy with what ive got and just tryna boost my memory lane
i remember my mane before he cut his wrists and hanged thats a gangbang
i didn't even know his trouble he was doing well in school chilled cool
stayed real to me esspecially is irracitionality must of drove the mad in me
to discover he casket in my dreams i didn't say my peace now thats a firend
and a girl who loved me decease thats real weak so day in n out i weep
under sheet i hold my nerve not to throw my self off the bridge
cause its only a metre away i shoudl stray who would care anyway
wouldn't know but i aint got the guts to mess around i bleed cuts
my hair of rust is in redicule what can i do my mates abondoned me
my drinking problem n a sponger drove em away wat can i say
im a fcuking disappointment cuts infected forgot the oientment
my ash in the urn cause my body was burn't against the wish of thee
they take the urn now and bury me.....

erabfb25
10-19-06, 12:47 AM
Man.... I am really lovin this..... Its truly a One of akind.

Irish-dipstick
10-19-06, 03:40 AM
Man.... I am really lovin this..... Its truly a One of akind.

peace duke much appreciated

Mr.November+
10-19-06, 03:22 PM
I like this...the flow is on point.

Irish-dipstick
10-19-06, 07:12 PM
I like this...the flow is on point.

respect man but i honestly thought my last piece was better i thought i flopped this i quess not

homeyjay
10-20-06, 01:12 PM
i adventure new venture my mind over mentor is driving me mental
im instrumental on loop my life in a wind whirl in the heart of a real girl
my world but i seen her and froze u got over me then why the bloody nose
she still fights over me for a sandwich its sad but its poverty
no novelty i no the medium but i also no the low i could be homeless
so im happy with what ive got and just tryna boost my memory lane
i remember my mane before he cut his wrists and hanged thats a gangbang
i didn't even know his trouble he was doing well in school chilled cool
stayed real to me esspecially is irracitionality must of drove the mad in me
to discover he casket in my dreams i didn't say my peace now thats a firend
and a girl who loved me decease thats real weak so day in n out i weep
under sheet i hold my nerve not to throw my self off the bridge
cause its only a metre away i shoudl stray who would care anyway
wouldn't know but i aint got the guts to mess around i bleed cuts
my hair of rust is in redicule what can i do my mates abondoned me
my drinking problem n a sponger drove em away wat can i say
im a fcuking disappointment cuts infected forgot the oientment
my ash in the urn cause my body was burn't against the wish of thee
they take the urn now and bury me.....
AYO - I.D. - I see that you are evolving in this poetry game. This joint reflects a different style but on the good side though. Personally I think it's good to switch up and become well rounded and not dug in on a certain style.
Just my opinion and no offense this one ranks up there with your better
pieces to me. Goodin'