Our Father

[Nasty Manny]

our father in these time things be's drastic
alot of our brothers getting shot wrapped in plastic
Im a rapp attic thanx to u and tha decatation 4 it
im young and still heroic love and peace im here for it
So i gotta keep my fly shorty fly that way she won't say bye
or get lost and make me cry im no ***** but my feelings shouldn't get ditched
so many mistake made it's hard to say i played this game
i like and jesus cause he's a wonderful son of god
Can't wait to meet him he's a made man im a made man
wit a cross in my hand so understand that war ant good
if happens it may destroy our hoods and take alot lives
allahuakbar who has power stop the war then your the man of the hour

http://forums.sohh.com/showthread.php?p=1055396648#post1055396648
http://forums.sohh.com/showthread.php?p=1055396677#post1055396677

[W.I.Z.E.]

Ummm..I've seen you respond to some verses so I think it's only right you get some love back. My form of love is in the form of constructive feedback...


You need to build out your complexity more or just make the lines more impactful.

So i gotta keep my fly shorty fly that way she won't say bye
or get lost and make me cry im no ***** but my feelings shouldn't get ditched
so many mistake made it's hard to say i played this game

This part seems to simplistic content, rhyme scheme and flow wise to truly resonate.

Just my two cents...