ONE_MIC_ETERNAL
09-29-06, 12:52 PM
uM
We dont have a intro theme for today because our
mexican midget, umpha lumpha, went home and
watched scary movie 4 and after the film, he told
his wife little maria, that he wanted to be Charlie
Sheen. In hopes of turning into Charlie Sheen,
Umpha took a whole bottle of Viagra and washed
it down with ice cold smirnoff. But, instead of
becoming charlie sheen, he proceeded to explode
into a million pieces. It's a sad day in the midget
world, and goddamnit, Umpha will be missed...
by somebody.
Moving on to the New's,
Reports show that daily, 30.2. billion email messages are sent
and received, and that that number is UP from the 3 billion in
1998. Also reports show that employee's spend an average of
2 hours a day sending e-mails and that the majority of e-mails
are personal messages. Reports also show that 759 billion
dollars is lost because of slacking and emailing at work.
All of us at "The Waking New's feel that the reports fail
to study the lenght of times that employees spend masterbating.
And a though is that if employer's showcased employee masterbation,
lost productivity would turn into proffit, or spermy paper work..
but it would be progress.
In other new's, peace talks are down and so is gasoline.
our voice on the streets had this to say..
"seems, that when we try to be nice to each other we get
mad and raise gas prices and shoot our camel's. I think
we should be mad at each other and then in return make
love to our camels."
OOO KKK
The Nasdaq is up, and if you got stock, well , make dave
chapelle's slogan, "im rich biech!" your new ringtone.
Onsale whereever local vonix's employees throw
boxes at you.
Also, Theres a lawsuit against major cigarette tobacco companies
for lying about there light cigarettes being a safer product.
Every should know by now, that you dont trust sting rays'
and that if you dont get in the pie! then you dont get to
eat it! Go out and sue those goddamn cigarette companies.
Wait, can we say goddamn in the news? No, Like, but if its
used differently each time, then its ok?
Ok.
our government is also in the works of paying for a
goddamn border wall, too keep our land from other people.
We have a very special guest on today, The
Former President of the United states
Mr. Bill Clinton!
*cheers*
Now, Mr. President Our viewers have just
one question that they want us to address..
Did you have sex with anyone in the whitehouse?
MR. CLINTON: "No, OME I didnt have sex with any
one in the whitehouse...(pause).....
(pause)...
I had sex with everyone in the white house."
Thats your waking news for today, Im OME signing off..
We dont have a intro theme for today because our
mexican midget, umpha lumpha, went home and
watched scary movie 4 and after the film, he told
his wife little maria, that he wanted to be Charlie
Sheen. In hopes of turning into Charlie Sheen,
Umpha took a whole bottle of Viagra and washed
it down with ice cold smirnoff. But, instead of
becoming charlie sheen, he proceeded to explode
into a million pieces. It's a sad day in the midget
world, and goddamnit, Umpha will be missed...
by somebody.
Moving on to the New's,
Reports show that daily, 30.2. billion email messages are sent
and received, and that that number is UP from the 3 billion in
1998. Also reports show that employee's spend an average of
2 hours a day sending e-mails and that the majority of e-mails
are personal messages. Reports also show that 759 billion
dollars is lost because of slacking and emailing at work.
All of us at "The Waking New's feel that the reports fail
to study the lenght of times that employees spend masterbating.
And a though is that if employer's showcased employee masterbation,
lost productivity would turn into proffit, or spermy paper work..
but it would be progress.
In other new's, peace talks are down and so is gasoline.
our voice on the streets had this to say..
"seems, that when we try to be nice to each other we get
mad and raise gas prices and shoot our camel's. I think
we should be mad at each other and then in return make
love to our camels."
OOO KKK
The Nasdaq is up, and if you got stock, well , make dave
chapelle's slogan, "im rich biech!" your new ringtone.
Onsale whereever local vonix's employees throw
boxes at you.
Also, Theres a lawsuit against major cigarette tobacco companies
for lying about there light cigarettes being a safer product.
Every should know by now, that you dont trust sting rays'
and that if you dont get in the pie! then you dont get to
eat it! Go out and sue those goddamn cigarette companies.
Wait, can we say goddamn in the news? No, Like, but if its
used differently each time, then its ok?
Ok.
our government is also in the works of paying for a
goddamn border wall, too keep our land from other people.
We have a very special guest on today, The
Former President of the United states
Mr. Bill Clinton!
*cheers*
Now, Mr. President Our viewers have just
one question that they want us to address..
Did you have sex with anyone in the whitehouse?
MR. CLINTON: "No, OME I didnt have sex with any
one in the whitehouse...(pause).....
(pause)...
I had sex with everyone in the white house."
Thats your waking news for today, Im OME signing off..