persia
07-12-06, 08:22 PM
I want to sit on the throne and be admired
To be wide-eyed, not to look worn and tired
To stop men in their tracks in awe of me
To be the picture of beauty I always dream to be
The bland ideal captured in a Time Square billboard
The standard of beauty accepted by the whole world
To possess the straight flowing hair of the others
Instead behind a wave of curls, my esteem is smothered
To have the svelte body with all the feminine ideals
To know how skinny feels
To have skin fair as snow white
Or the complexion of the darkest African night.
Anything but in between two worlds
To be a thing unaccepted, at which insults are hurled
The light of innocence in eyes of blue.
To fit in for just a moment. I need that too
To not know the wrath of addiction
To have a father without a record of conviction
To have never been trapped in a safe house
To have a mother with a voice larger than that of a mere mouse.
To never have known of a fist connecting with my cheek
Or for eternity, a father figure’s love to seek
To have never felt the sweat from a pedophiles brow
Crack my character and fracture the woman I am now.
To not know how the inside of an abortion clinic looks
Just to go back and let my focus be on nothing but the books
To not seek out that which can bring me pain
To not be used for the physical pleasures of men that call only when it rains
I want so much to be loved and needed
But there wasn’t the guidance given to me to be heeded.
Grew up in a world of confusion
At every turn, a vile of childhood killing poison
Beneath a surface of love and happiness
Brewed a self hate and emptiness
Seeds of discontent fed and watered
By devils pretending that my life actually mattered
All these attributes I sit and wish into my life the may come
But never changing my actions, remaining always numb
Eternally open for evil and negativity
If one day came happiness, this I would never see.
I wonder if they know that this is the mess that was bred in their mistakes
That the joy they thought was there just didn’t take
That into their cracked reality I fell
And everyday I walk through their manufactured hell
Misconceptions of my value and worth
Unaware of the beauty in my possession since birth
Too wrapped up in their own pitfalls, the blind eye is turned
And into this place I have crashed and burned.
To be wide-eyed, not to look worn and tired
To stop men in their tracks in awe of me
To be the picture of beauty I always dream to be
The bland ideal captured in a Time Square billboard
The standard of beauty accepted by the whole world
To possess the straight flowing hair of the others
Instead behind a wave of curls, my esteem is smothered
To have the svelte body with all the feminine ideals
To know how skinny feels
To have skin fair as snow white
Or the complexion of the darkest African night.
Anything but in between two worlds
To be a thing unaccepted, at which insults are hurled
The light of innocence in eyes of blue.
To fit in for just a moment. I need that too
To not know the wrath of addiction
To have a father without a record of conviction
To have never been trapped in a safe house
To have a mother with a voice larger than that of a mere mouse.
To never have known of a fist connecting with my cheek
Or for eternity, a father figure’s love to seek
To have never felt the sweat from a pedophiles brow
Crack my character and fracture the woman I am now.
To not know how the inside of an abortion clinic looks
Just to go back and let my focus be on nothing but the books
To not seek out that which can bring me pain
To not be used for the physical pleasures of men that call only when it rains
I want so much to be loved and needed
But there wasn’t the guidance given to me to be heeded.
Grew up in a world of confusion
At every turn, a vile of childhood killing poison
Beneath a surface of love and happiness
Brewed a self hate and emptiness
Seeds of discontent fed and watered
By devils pretending that my life actually mattered
All these attributes I sit and wish into my life the may come
But never changing my actions, remaining always numb
Eternally open for evil and negativity
If one day came happiness, this I would never see.
I wonder if they know that this is the mess that was bred in their mistakes
That the joy they thought was there just didn’t take
That into their cracked reality I fell
And everyday I walk through their manufactured hell
Misconceptions of my value and worth
Unaware of the beauty in my possession since birth
Too wrapped up in their own pitfalls, the blind eye is turned
And into this place I have crashed and burned.