persia
07-10-06, 01:31 AM
It’s amazing how God gives you all the signs to let you know what’s coming
And this time he was blatant, no low humming
Within a few weeks time
I was shown everything, that once again, his eyes would meet mine
But still, I wasn’t ready
It’s been years since I even thought his name
An eternity since I flashed on his unending game
And now all at once he’s coming at me from all angles
Feelings I thought were ironed out and now starting to again tangle
But still, I wasn’t ready
Part of me is unwilling to even see his face
Knowing that the part he played in my life and the role I took on for him is a disgrace
Feeble attempts by a near pedophile to win the affections of a child
So willing to prey on her rebellious nature, her willingness to run wild
But still I wasn’t ready
And suddenly, I’m 17 and again, naïve beyond any acceptable level
And that place that in my heart he still occupies starts to tremble
I know I can’t be this stupid now that almost a decade has past
That his hold on my life was not this steadfast
But still I wasn’t ready
How do I explain the turmoil that comes with seeing someone that was once your essence
After they have broken your heart and degraded more than anyone past, future or present
And you realize that you still somewhere deep inside love them as much you used to
How do you reconcile that deep of a disparity and still keep your cool
But I still wasn’t ready
I need to walk away and never look back, never stop to even question
Go back to the life I now know, leaving no time to listen
To the I still love you’s and the I’m glad I saw you’s, leave the past in the past
But I want to know that answers to the questions I never asked
But I still wasn’t ready
But I’m still not ready
But I don’t think I will ever be ready
But I’m ready to know
But I’m not ready to walk away
But I’m still trapped
But I still wasn’t ready to admit I still love him
And this time he was blatant, no low humming
Within a few weeks time
I was shown everything, that once again, his eyes would meet mine
But still, I wasn’t ready
It’s been years since I even thought his name
An eternity since I flashed on his unending game
And now all at once he’s coming at me from all angles
Feelings I thought were ironed out and now starting to again tangle
But still, I wasn’t ready
Part of me is unwilling to even see his face
Knowing that the part he played in my life and the role I took on for him is a disgrace
Feeble attempts by a near pedophile to win the affections of a child
So willing to prey on her rebellious nature, her willingness to run wild
But still I wasn’t ready
And suddenly, I’m 17 and again, naïve beyond any acceptable level
And that place that in my heart he still occupies starts to tremble
I know I can’t be this stupid now that almost a decade has past
That his hold on my life was not this steadfast
But still I wasn’t ready
How do I explain the turmoil that comes with seeing someone that was once your essence
After they have broken your heart and degraded more than anyone past, future or present
And you realize that you still somewhere deep inside love them as much you used to
How do you reconcile that deep of a disparity and still keep your cool
But I still wasn’t ready
I need to walk away and never look back, never stop to even question
Go back to the life I now know, leaving no time to listen
To the I still love you’s and the I’m glad I saw you’s, leave the past in the past
But I want to know that answers to the questions I never asked
But I still wasn’t ready
But I’m still not ready
But I don’t think I will ever be ready
But I’m ready to know
But I’m not ready to walk away
But I’m still trapped
But I still wasn’t ready to admit I still love him