R.I.P...Toyia.

[Absolut da poet]

7/18/05


I'm so empty inside I can't touch the surface of this page..
internally the world feels so strange physically...speaking.
I can't come to terms...with the turns..
it's....
leaking at the center of my gravity til it burns that I can't find the words.
I'm tryin...
so hard to be patient..faithful...
but these quiet times are making me hateful that I love to love..
I ask for a reprieve from above not seeking preferrential treatment...
...just asking for relief from bereavement in the meanwhile steadily grieving
conscience an un......happy..
falling short of adding the title of "Husband" to Daddy in the fall I'm writing these..."Tearz" on the back of leaves on your grave..
...and i miss you....
......cause i loved you...
............cause I Love You.....wherever you are.
..and that don't even come close to how I feel right now...that's crazy.

[Nadira...Rare]

7/18/05

I'm so empty inside I can't touch the surface of this page..
internally the world feels so strange physically...speaking.
I can't come to terms...with the turns..
it's....
leaking at the center of my gravity til it burns that I can't find the words.
I'm tryin...
so hard to be patient..faithful...
but these quiet times are making me hateful that I love to love..
I ask for a reprieve from above not seeking preferrential treatment...
...just asking for relief from bereavement in the meanwhile steadily grieving
conscience an un......happy..
falling short of adding the title of "Husband" to Daddy in the fall I'm writing these..."Tearz" on the back of leaves on your grave..
...and i miss you....
......cause i loved you...
............cause I Love You.....wherever you are.
..and that don't even come close to how I feel right now...that's crazy.
Abso... I'm sorry for your loss...your love probably meant more to her than she ever expressed to you... remember she's always going to be there for you... watching you...guiding you... and loving you... thank you for sharing this with us... BEAUTY

[sexydeltagirl]

Babe, thanks for dropping this piece I know it's very personal. I really appreciate you allowing me to read something so intimate....It was very beautiful....I wish you much piece babe....

[Midnite]

my condolences for loss man...

this was heartfelt, and I know from experience that writing it down may not make ya feel any better, but there a sense of sumthin when you do...

[Irish-dipstick]

7/18/05

I'm so empty inside I can't touch the surface of this page..
internally the world feels so strange physically...speaking.
I can't come to terms...with the turns..
it's....
leaking at the center of my gravity til it burns that I can't find the words.
I'm tryin...
so hard to be patient..faithful...
but these quiet times are making me hateful that I love to love..
I ask for a reprieve from above not seeking preferrential treatment...
...just asking for relief from bereavement in the meanwhile steadily grieving
conscience an un......happy..
falling short of adding the title of "Husband" to Daddy in the fall I'm writing these..."Tearz" on the back of leaves on your grave..
...and i miss you....
......cause i loved you...
............cause I Love You.....wherever you are.
..and that don't even come close to how I feel right now...that's crazy.

i couldn't say it the first time when you posted the thread to see if anyone in philly could help you or the thread about the passing my respect and love (no homo) for ever is in your direction...i aint never lost someone that close to me so i can't relate to it but my condolenses for your lose and this piece is touching duke no other piece like it.......

[Abs_inth da prophet]

thanks yall....
This piece is about the fact that I really haven't been able to write since this happened last year...I don't hear the sentences anymore.

Usually when I write..I look at the paper and I can hear the sentences in my head line by line like somebody's talking to me...but now...it's silence.

and if I do write I can't "feel" the words...so to speak...I dont know how it sounds almost like I can't hear it.

it's crazy I dunno...

thanks for the feed..

[Midnite]

thanks yall....
This piece is about the fact that I really haven't been able to write since this happened last year...I don't hear the sentences anymore.
Usually when I write..I look at the paper and I can hear the sentences in my head line by line like somebody's talking to me...but now...it's silence.
and if I do write I can't "feel" the words...so to speak...I dont know how it sounds almost like I can't hear it.
it's crazy I dunno...
thanks for the feed..


samething for me....you lose that sense of inspiration, what was once second nature, like breathing, becomes a chore, you have to think about what was once instinct....

i know from experience that getting that inspiration back is difficult, but it can happen, ya just gotta let go of the conscious, and flow

[persia]

wow abs... seems os recent even for someone like me that just watched it unfold. i cant imagine what its like for you. my prayers stay with you, your daughter and you family (ies). thanks for sharing whats on your heart.

[homeyjay]

Say Abs - my prayers go to you and yours, and I can truly say that I know exactly how you feel and then some. I lost a daughter my first born infact, and it's the worst feeling in the world. You feel bad on holidays and even more guilty for celebrating them, which you do half heartedly. I've questioned and even cursed God ,man there are no magic words or remedies. Time won't heal you or allow you to forget (and you are not suppose to) just try not do what I've been guilty of doing and that is neglecting the rest of your love ones. Life is not the same and some days are worst than others, there are alot of tears and hugs don't hurt. Somewhere down the line you will catch a blessing in an unexpected way, just continue the journey for it is far from over I promise. hj, a true admirer of ya' skills bra'.. L8TR

[Abs_inth da prophet]

Say Abs - my prayers go to you and yours, and I can truly say that I know exactly how you feel and then some. I lost a daughter my first born infact, and it's the worst feeling in the world. You feel bad on holidays and even more guilty for celebrating them, which you do half heartedly. I've questioned and even cursed God ,man there are no magic words or remedies. Time won't heal you or allow you to forget (and you are not suppose to) just try not do what I've been guilty of doing and that is neglecting the rest of your love ones. Life is not the same and some days are worst than others, there are alot of tears and hugs don't hurt. Somewhere down the line you will catch a blessing in an unexpected way, just continue the journey for it is far from over I promise. hj, a true admirer of ya' skills bra'.. L8TR

damn...thanks...yall...that's pretty much how it is.

Mother's Day...Christmas..my daughter's birthday...

4th of July...I dunno..

THe truth is the easiest thing to write and actually the best poetry I've ever written was the stuff I never wrote down...when you just speak directly from ya heart...seems like paper can't capture that...I've prolly written thousands of poems and I could write a million more but when you can't feel the words it's like it doesn't matter what you say...doesn't matter who likes it..nothing...it's never gonna say exactly how you feel.

Life is...amazingly precious and fragile...
you can't hold it...you can't let it go..
you can't want it so much to ever wish you never had it...
cause you know one day you won't...
so you spend everyday wishing you could...
...anything...everything....
when you already did...
but it's never enough.