Untitled....Speak when Spoken 2

[sexydeltagirl]

I yell for you to listen to me but you pay me no attention....
All my yelling and sceaming isn't seeping into your brain...
Yet I've reframed from putting my hands on you...
But that seems to be the only way you will respond...
So I pull on your jacket in attempts to establish....
Some type of response...
Not knowing this that very same jacket is made of a soft fabric...
And when I pull you the stitching rips and I hear you scream....
Dammit!!
Now I know I have your attention....
Hear me out for a minute...
Don't you understand my plight...
The late night hours sometimes double shifts...
Creeping in at odd hours my feet hurting stomach growling...
Baby, I'm tryna make it....
I want us to have the best things....
My overtime hours can buy....
Pick you up from work and drive...
Straight to the airport....
At 1:30 we will arrive in Paris...
Can't you see it...
Eating 5 star meals...
Making love in 5 star sheets..
Mattress firm enough...
To try those positions you mentioned...
I'm on the grind baby...
And no I might not have dinner cooking...
The aroma meeting you at the door...
But your woman has big dreams...
And just like you slammed that microwave door...
Just think in a couple of years you could have a maid
Doing it for you...
Turning the key into a house...
Big enough to store a gulf course...
Be patient with me baby and I promise...
You only the best...
Come here I don't have to be to work for a couple of hours...
Let me make up for the time I've missed...

[homeyjay]

Aiight, but at least leave a brother some chicken wings or a samich in the fridge or something, lol
SexxyDee - I just love the flavor and the energy that you put into your pieces.

[ovb81]

:yes:

[HipHop4ever]

I have to refrain myself too but I'm not gonna lie when I say that sometimes I just wish I could do it.....

[Irish-dipstick]

dam girl laying down the law.

pzzz.

this was a great piece.

keep doing ya thing.

[sexydeltagirl]

Aiight, but at least leave a brother some chicken wings or a samich in the fridge or something, lol
SexxyDee - I just love the flavor and the energy that you put into your pieces.

LOL, a sista will cook before she leaves for a brotha.....This piece was inspired from my girlfriend who is working day in and day out and her boyfriend is bugging.....So she told me to drop a piece to give to him so now they are good....Call me cupid.... :laugh:

Thanks babe, I'm glad you liked this piece...I'm trying to keep yall attention with my pieces so my energy isn't forced is comes naturally...

:blush:

[sexydeltagirl]

:yes:

:blush: ....I'm glad you liked it....

[sexydeltagirl]

I have to refrain myself too but I'm not gonna lie when I say that sometimes I just wish I could do it.....

Yeah it's easy for you to just work and make it your primary focus but sometimes you have to pull back and "smell the roses" or life and love will pass you by....

Peace....thanks for checking this joint....

[sexydeltagirl]

dam girl laying down the law.

pzzz.

this was a great piece.

keep doing ya thing.

Hey There,

Naw, I'm not laying down the law...I mean I could but there's no need 2....
I'm glad you liked this piece... and you know i'm going to keep writing.... ;)

[Con FusIon]

This seems more like something someone would write to their significant other in an email or a letter or something. It's more prose than poem, and not a prose poem. It's just a letter broken up into lines with no punctuation. Am I the only person here that feels this way?

[Thee One]

Hopefully you won't be offended...I take my inspiration where I can get it. And well, this jumped in my head... So on that note... HIS response:

I yell for you to listen to me but you pay me no attention....
All my yelling and sceaming isn't seeping into your brain...
Yet I've reframed from putting my hands on you...
But that seems to be the only way you will respond...
So I pull on your jacket in attempts to establish....
Some type of response...
Not knowing this that very same jacket is made of a soft fabric...
And when I pull you the stitching rips and I hear you scream....
Dammit!!
Now I know I have your attention....
Hear me out for a minute...
Don't you understand my plight...
The late night hours sometimes double shifts...
Creeping in at odd hours my feet hurting stomach growling...
Baby, I'm tryna make it....
I want us to have the best things....
My overtime hours can buy....
Pick you up from work and drive...
Straight to the airport....
At 1:30 we will arrive in Paris...
Can't you see it...
Eating 5 star meals...
Making love in 5 star sheets..
Mattress firm enough...
To try those positions you mentioned...
I'm on the grind baby...
And no I might not have dinner cooking...
The aroma meeting you at the door...
But your woman has big dreams...
And just like you slammed that microwave door...
Just think in a couple of years you could have a maid
Doing it for you...
Turning the key into a house...
Big enough to store a gulf course...
Be patient with me baby and I promise...
You only the best...
Come here I don't have to be to work for a couple of hours...
Let me make up for the time I've missed...


You tell me to chill
you're paying all the bills
but I hardly see you
and I'm not blessed with the stove skillz
I don't mind some chicken tenders
I don't mind a TV dinner
but show your man some love
Where's that whip appeal?
It ain't about the dinette
it's all about the sex
and you're always too tired
to let me get up under your dress
yeah you have a few hours
and it's already pretty wet
but what about the other days
when your body I can't caress
I know you on your grind
I do my job too
but I always make time for you
especially when you're in the mood
you talk about maids
but I ain't tryin' to hit her too
I just want to feel love
the way you used to Boo
So please don't be mad
when I'm angry or I'm sad
cause all I really want to do
is wake up and tap that ass
:-)

[sexydeltagirl]

Hopefully you won't be offended...I take my inspiration where I can get it. And well, this jumped in my head... So on that note... HIS response:




You tell me to chill
you're paying all the bills
but I hardly see you
and I'm not blessed with the stove skillz
I don't mind some chicken tenders
I don't mind a TV dinner
but show your man some love
Where's that whip appeal?
It ain't about the dinette
it's all about the sex
and you're always too tired
to let me get up under your dress
yeah you have a few hours
and it's already pretty wet
but what about the other days
when your body I can't caress
I know you on your grind
I do my job too
but I always make time for you
especially when you're in the mood
you talk about maids
but I ain't tryin' to hit her too
I just want to feel love
the way you used to Boo
So please don't be mad
when I'm angry or I'm sad
cause all I really want to do
is wake up and tap that ass
:-)

Hey I don't mind at all inspiration comes from everywhere...I'm honored this piece allowed you to drop a few words...That's the beauty of it all isn't it?

Dope Piece....the ending made me .... :laugh:

[homeyjay]

This seems more like something someone would write to their significant other in an email or a letter or something. It's more prose than poem, and not a prose poem. It's just a letter broken up into lines with no punctuation. Am I the only person here that feels this way?

What da? did I miss the memo 'bout this site turning into an official poetry class. SexxyDee has her own style which happens to be fine with everyone I thought. Splitting hairs just for the sake of it reeks of invidia we should encourage one another not the opposite. The minister once said something like "if you find that perfect someone leave him be, because once you got to know them you'd find that they were not perfect after all", build up don't tear down is all I'm saying.

[Thee One]

Hey I don't mind at all inspiration comes from everywhere...I'm honored this piece allowed you to drop a few words...That's the beauty of it all isn't it?

Dope Piece....the ending made me .... :laugh:

Thanks! I'm glad you didn't mind my add-on. The beauty of words is when they inspire others. ;)

[sexydeltagirl]

Thanks! I'm glad you didn't mind my add-on. The beauty of words is when they inspire others. ;)

:yes: I couldn't agree more.....

[Conduit]

What da? did I miss the memo 'bout this site turning into an official poetry class. SexxyDee has her own style which happens to be fine with everyone I thought. Splitting hairs just for the sake of it reeks of invidia we should encourage one another not the opposite. The minister once said something like "if you find that perfect someone leave him be, because once you got to know them you'd find that they were not perfect after all", build up don't tear down is all I'm saying.
For the record, and first of all, I am not tearing anything down... just commenting on the piece. I've got as much right to voice my opinion about it as she does to write it, am I right? I didn't say it was bad -- in part because I don't think so -- I'm just commenting on the form. I am allowed to do that. It's a risk people take when they post stuff in a forum and hope that people reply: stuff gets critiqued. You don't have to have taken a poetry class to know that.

There's no way I'm gonna tolerate people rippin' on me or anyone here for trying to offer some constructive criticism. This board is about more than just ploppin' thoughts on the internet... for some people, like myself, it's a place where you share your thoughts so that you can find out what people think about them, and it's a place where you display your art in hopes that you can build upon it... and try to improve your skills. sexydeltagirl knows that she has every right to straight up ignore what I have to say, because she's intelligent... and, for the same reason, she also knows that I have the right to say it. And to be honest, I wouldn't want to post on a board where everyone who replied to my posts was on some "oh yo I feel that deeply you're the best" stuff all of the time.

You're right, we shouldn't be discouraging each other. She's not discouraged: she's strong enough to hear what people have to say, and I respect and admire that.

Anyway... keep on posting, delta...

[Irish-dipstick]

For the record, and first of all, I am not tearing anything down... just commenting on the piece. I've got as much right to voice my opinion about it as she does to write it, am I right? I didn't say it was bad -- in part because I don't think so -- I'm just commenting on the form. I am allowed to do that. It's a risk people take when they post stuff in a forum and hope that people reply: stuff gets critiqued. You don't have to have taken a poetry class to know that. It's common sense.

There's no way I'm gonna tolerate people rippin' on me or anyone here for trying to offer some constructive criticism. This board is about more than just ploppin' thoughts on the internet... for some people, like myself, it's a place where you share your thoughts so that you can find out what people think about them, and it's a place where you display your art in hopes that you can build upon it... and try to improve your skills. sexydeltagirl knows that she has every right to straight up ignore what I have to say, because she's intelligent... and, for the same reason, she also knows that I have the right to say it. And to be honest, I wouldn't want to post on a board where everyone who replied to my posts was on some "oh yo I feel that deeply you're the best" stuff all of the time.

Anyway... keep on posting, delta...


technically you have no place judging another man or womans talents.

a true critic is a person that can't do wat another can do.

do u understand and negative comments aren't respected but if its constructive critism then the writer may appreciate it.

[Conduit]

and what was negative? is anything that's not "YO I LOVE YOUR WORK" considered negative?

[Irish-dipstick]

and what was negative? is anything that's not "YO I LOVE YOUR WORK" considered negative?


nah thats not what im saying and dont come at me like this im not hating on u speaking ur mind fcuk i do the same im not saying you said anything negative here im just stating that its not appreciated.....