Back Wash

[homeyjay]

It came from nowhere
it has always been here
was my being preoccupied
the reason I failed to observe
your transparent manipulation
so masterfully and stealth like
while making me totally oblivious
hints and scents I would circumvent
from an overdrawn memory bank
comfort zone was wanted and needed
in denial all the while my eyes wide
but there will be no regrets for inside
the spirit had died and many of times
my mind searched for a reason to accept
the consequences as the down payment
a rendering for my mischievious past
the hurt that I caused and loves lost
an attempt to erase the slate of guilt
as I sit and watch the bright yellow sun
slowly melt into the orange backdrop
surviving another day of mediocrity
wondering if I will ever be whole again
doubt is the reply I expect and accept
for many have wept at my expense
mundane now defines my existance