(Untitled) Give me some feedback on it

[byrdman84]

my first piece for yall to comment on or whatever, i wanna know what yall think

The reign of terror, wants us in chains forever
To feel hurt and pain forever
Never see sunlight, I fight despite the odds stacked
Overwhelming it may seem but I scheme and fight back
To ignite a fire inside to inspire your pride
Increase desire and drive to enlighten the minds
To break the cycle of things that confine us in chains
Refrain from sick and ashamed to critic acclaim
I speak definitive things from a southerners slang
My aim? to let you know we can change some things
Instead of watching the decline and doing nothing
Put actions to your words and do something

[Absolut da poet]

my first piece for yall to comment on or whatever, i wanna know what yall think

The reign of terror, wants us in chains forever
To feel hurt and pain forever
Never see sunlight, I fight despite the odds stacked
Overwhelming it may seem but I scheme and fight back
To ignite a fire inside to inspire your pride
Increase desire and drive to enlighten the minds
To break the cycle of things that confine us in chains
Refrain from sick and ashamed to critic acclaim
I speak definitive things from a southerners slang
My aim? to let you know we can change some things
Instead of watching the decline and doing nothing
Put actions to your words and do something

Cool...I like it...drop some more...

Get comfortable and stay awhile..

[Black N Proud]

That's some really good work!!!

[sexydeltagirl]

Great piece, I am def. feeling the message...I try to speak for those who can't speak for themselves on a daily basis so this piece speaks to me....

"My aim? to let you know we can change some things
Instead of watching the decline and doing nothing "

Keep em coming...

Dopeness...