My first post here- Check me out.

[heartints]

I'm just going to post a couple verses of mine, this is my first post in the open mic forum and I just want to get a feeling for my abilities from others. Any advice/criticism or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Questionin about what goes into the flow
That’s like asking nino where he got his doe
Comparing rap to slinging yay, that’s so cliche
So I talk on what I really know, how about ebay
Cuz I always got 1500 bids going down at once
And my feedback rating is like A plus plus plus
But this more than technology, breaks down to biology
My DNA designed to spit hot lines that come to mind
The deepest confines of my mind ruled by a steady rhyme
Anytime I wanna unwind, I just blow up like a land mine
So much **** is repeat, same corny sample and drumbeat
Even with a disorder, my speak still come with unique heat
On the border of being elite or just another piece of meat
Like Nas said, It’s not what you do but how it’s done
And by the time I’m done, everyday still rise like the sun
Only weigh a buck thirty but super-lyrical like Big Pun
This ain’t Buck or Fifty, always come one above Stunt 101

The best writers say speak what you know
So when i say i move weight, not talking about blow
Move the weight off my shoulders and put it into flow
At last i'm like atlas, and the whole world just my hoe
**** ****ed up, I'm blastin cannons like mariah carey
Steady flip birds like magic hooping up larry
Got that blue magic like frank lucas moving work
On a track to stardom, command like captain kirk
Got your girl down under like if she was in australia
Make her catch it, turn any broad into Yogi Berra
All up on her chest like the image of Che Guevara
Getting head, she on my dome like new era
So so def, good morning and welcome to atlanta
Respected by all, I keep more juice than tropicana
technique revolutionary, I coulda been a black panther
Not to say I'm animal, cuz i consume human, true cannibal
Not new to rapping in fact I wrote the manual
I'm a ****ing beast, staying hard like enamel
And someday I'll be on your local tv channel
My definition is high like a sony widescreen panel
I'm walking on the sky, similar to Mark Hamill
Tryin reach nirvana before god blowout my candle
Back to In Utero, a Newman like first name Randall

I got peanuts like jimmy carter and washington carver
Bust a nut, better hope I don't have a baby daughter
Cuz at age 17 i ain't out to be a father
although I'm always spitting like baby slobber
Running up holes like Marion Barber
And i'll cut ya like a subpar barber
Nothing lil about my wayne but on some Dwayne Carter
And if Nas was right in 06, then consider me the martyr
I'm ruling from my throne, the new King Arthur
If I wasn't rapping i'd probably be a Author
You caught up in my tales like nerds and Harry Potter
Some say live for tomorrow, but I say why bother
Another sheep to the slaughter and I'm Chupacabra
Making hits as if I were some kind of Italian mobster
Lose my cool and get cooked like a lobster
World is my oyster and I'm the godfather
Iso defense, take you mano y mano
Every shot in like 31 playin for Indiana
Getting gold like a 49er, I'm Joe Montana
I dictate, puffin cubans with Fidel in Havana
Remember me as a saint like playing for Louisiana
Everyday bring home bread and all you got is Manna

[Sicilian Spit]

This was not too bad, especially if you're 17. Last verse was the best. Some of the lines are a bit forced though, and as you develop more, you'll be able to diversify the rhyme scheme a little bit. Multi-syllabic rhymes always make the flow better in my opinion.

[heartints]

Thanks for the comments, appreciate it. I find that when I focus alot on rhyme scheme and structure, I get kinda lost in that which limits my rhymes kinda. I was thinking Ghostface Killah's flow doesn't follow schemes at all really and it's dope as hell. While mine is definitely more structured than that I don't have a lot of multis like Em or anything. Any advice on getting the best of both worlds?

[Sicilian Spit]

Quite a dilemma. I think the best way to do it is come up with a framework for your message from the start, and then try to form the rhyme scheme around it, giving up if you stray too far from what you want to say. But, it also helps to be flexible in what you want to convey so that the rhymes can be doper. Check out my "Cane Forest" joint if it's still on here. That's one of my favorite joints I've done because I stuck to the subject through all 48 bars or whatever it is and the rhyme scheme was dope. Gotta find that middle ground.