Elevated Senses and Smarts

[#1rapper]

With the turn of a table my emergence gets fatal
Making earnings through labels is the craziest fable
I've been burned by the angles, fully choked up and srangled
Get the surgeons enabled before im turned to an angel
I got rap all entangled, guess im still new to the craft
Eyeballed like a student whos is new to the class
But ive been prudent and rash with every decision in rap
I had and lost it, and now im winning it back
From beginning of tracks im taxed to inifinite max
I wont lose it a like a nerd and his viginty jack
Im what comes after the facts, a shaky theory perhaps
Looking foward to the future but im fearing the past
Slipping through loose cracks like a queer and his ass
And a new era is hatched, elevated senses and smarts
But choosing whats best is just fencing the art
My tension to start departs apprehension and costs
Its written crystal clear, still the message is lost
People get eager for a show, and start testing the boss
I control everything like the beat from a heart
Draw an x and get swept, so i leave on the mark

[#1rapper]

the sad part is..thats better feedback then most ppl get

[Ecliptik]

hot drop...but see...**** like this...

hot drops wit no feed...:dry:

*reason why i left*

[eternal reflection]

the sad part is..thats better feedback then most ppl get

LMAO, ur right..I liked this piece though, u got good vocab skills, in some parts though u seemed to sacrifice content for the sake of ur rhyme scheme, but overall I liked it..good shiit.

[theman080]

whoa @ the flow sucka

[W.I.Z.E.]

whoa @ the flow sucka

lol...oh irony....

[W.I.Z.E.]

Let's take this apart in pieces shall we?

With the turn of a table my emergence gets fatal
Making earnings through labels is the craziest fable
I've been burned by the angles, fully choked up and srangled
Get the surgeons enabled before im turned to an angel


The first line was eh..seemed like flow for the sake of it. Second line is stronger. The issue with these lines is they seem disjointed. For example, let's say the first line is referring to an operating table. Then I think it makes more sense to come with Fourth line next. If not, then it just doesn't tie well together for me.

Plus the "label...fable" piece would flow better with the section below.


I got rap all entangled, guess im still new to the craft
Eyeballed like a student whos is new to the class
But ive been prudent and rash with every decision in rap
I had and lost it, and now im winning it back
From beginning of tracks im taxed to inifinite max
I wont lose it a like a nerd and his viginty jack
Im what comes after the facts, a shaky theory perhaps
Looking foward to the future but im fearing the past
Slipping through loose cracks like a queer and his ass


Nice first few lines...nothing complex but good flow and straight forward. The fifth and sixth lines of this section were filler borderline trash to me. In this situation, wordplay would help round this out. For example:
"From beginning of tracks, My Air cross trains I'm winning it back"...(not a great example per se but hopefully you get the point."

Then...and I'm being nit picky here. I would think that Shaky Theory's come BEFORE the facts. The last two lines were solid in this part.


And a new era is hatched, elevated senses and smarts

Alright this line is solid...BUT man it would have been easy just to say "a new era is capped"...then you keep your flow and add a lil word play real quick. YOu could even continued "stitched" in senses and smarts.




But choosing whats best is just fencing the art
My tension to start departs apprehension and costs
Its written crystal clear, still the message is lost
People get eager for a show, and start testing the boss
I control everything like the beat from a heart
Draw an x and get swept, so i leave on the mark

this last part is the best part. More of this in the verse may have made it stronger.

Even though I tore this apart...overall it's a cool verse. I'm just trying to point out ways that it could have been better. Sometimes you sacrifice content for flow. To be honest, if you're honest with yourself when you do that. I'm fine with it. But then it better be razor sharp. Of course the best combo is hot content, rhyme scheme and flow.

[#1rapper]

wize i appreciate the feeedback man..and the shaky theory line i knew what i said..but i was sure nobody in here would notice the slip up..lol.

Iono why though its always hard to come with a good flow and good content. I'm not embarassed to say that i need expand my vocabulary a bit futher. For example it's so tempting just to type like

I kill kats on ill tracks and let the mill snap your grill back

And it's old...<sigh> when i come back..i'll be coming back strong.(N/H)

[W.I.Z.E.]

wize i appreciate the feeedback man..and the shaky theory line i knew what i said..but i was sure nobody in here would notice the slip up..lol.
Iono why though its always hard to come with a good flow and good content. I'm not embarassed to say that i need expand my vocabulary a bit futher. For example it's so tempting just to type like
I kill kats on ill tracks and let the mill snap your grill back
And it's old...<sigh> when i come back..i'll be coming back strong.(N/H)

you know what man...don't sweat it and be you. You don't need an ill vocabulary per se. You can also have an ill flow with fairly simple words. Take Big L as an example. He's witty and that complements fairly simplistic vocabulary.

It is a lil harder on text cuz cats want to "Read" something but keep in mind the audio element.

[Striggity]

i thought this was dope. keep doin' it homie.